TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What did the Bears’ showing against Cleveland tell you?
TOPIC 2: How does sweeping the defending champs affect a White Sox fan’s overall outlook?
TOPIC 3: Sports are constantly tweaked. Make one change to Chicago’s Marathon to make it more exciting.
TOPIC 4: Joe Paterno has undefeated Penn State back on top. What’s next for the 78-year-old coach?
TOPIC 5: Eddy Curry says he’ll be ready for the Knicks’ season opener. What does this mean?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Their problems are massive,
their solutions few and
my interest kaput.
Any Sox fan worth his salt had
already committed his soul to
the cause. It changes nothing.
For every two steps forward,
you must take one step
backward.
He will succeed Jack McKeon
as manager of the
Florida Marlins.
He’s busy playing
video games as we speak.
LEO EBERSOLE
A house of cards on a kangaroo’s back is more stable than a Bears lead. Also, I need better metaphors.
It raises the Delirium Alert
to “elevated.”
Like on “The Amazing Race,” we make each competitor run with annoying family members in tow.
He makes the bold switch to abnormally thick and wine-colored contact lenses.
Larry Brown will have him
playing great defense by
March 22.
WHIZZER
That new kicker looks like a nice kid. And whoever cleans those white pants, kudos to you.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not in the least.
Sox fans are eternally cheery folk.
At the 13.1-mile mark,
add a hot dog-eating contest.
A walk-on role as the
mysterious plumber on
“Desperate Housewives.”
He’ll know exactly how to
underachieve New York-style.
And “Go Jets!”
EVIL SUPERCOMPUTER
That scoring 14 points in
40 seconds is–apparently–mathematically possible.
Exactly 56.7 percent. You don’t understand? Well, that’s because humans have small brains. HA!
Next year, we hold it OUTSIDE
the Matrix. Oh, it exists.
Oh, yes, it exists.
My calculations show he wins
No. 696 by his 118 birthday.
My database shows Curry
has been inactive. Somebody
reboot my server.
BAG BOY
Kyle Orton has NFL Europe
written all over him.
It was a relief Friday night.
By Sunday I was back in full clench mode.
Half the runners carry a football, the other half play defense.
A nap.
Maybe 10 points, three rebounds, and he
fouls out in the fourth.
———-
E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com.
