TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: give the sox a tip as they head off to houston for game 3.
TOPIC 2: is northwestern’s brett basanez a heisman trophy contender?
TOPIC 3: give illinois’ football team a piece of advice.
TOPIC 4: alonzo spellman signed with an Arena football league team. who else should?
TOPIC 5: what happened to all those high expectations for the blackhawks?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Don’t stay at any hotel bearing the sign, “No refunds after 10 minutes.”
Sure, if you say so. And who are you, anyway? Because you ask a lot of questions, pal.
Never let them see you sweat. But you might want to work up a sweat, just to make it look like you’re trying.
Gilbert Arenas.
They went out the window the second I realized they still weren’t televising home games.
PHIL THOMPSON
To communicate with the locals, it may be necessary to insert some Skoal behind your bottom lip.
Yes. And I would’ve thought any NU QB had a better shot at “trophy wife” than “trophy contender.”
Not a lot you can say after a 63-10 loss. The avian flu wouldn’t touch you.
Since he’s on the Gladiators, Russell Crowe and Colin Farrell so long as they also stop making movies.
The new goalie suckered us. Khabibulin was Khabi-foolin’. And this is why I don’t do hockey jokes.
LEO EBERSOLE
Texas Tea is not for drinking. Boy, did I learn that the hard way.
Contender? They’ve already engraved the trophy with “Baz.”
Focus on the positive. And I literally mean the one, solitary positive.
Doug Brien, who may finally be able to send a kickoff into the end zone.
I’m dumbfounded. I mean, I never would have predicted a shootout loss to the cast of “Disney on Ice.”
WHIZZER
Minute Maid Park has free WiFi. Use it!
Yes. And after he wins it, he can get back to helping me prove UFOs landed in New Mexico.
You’re 2-4 with four games left. Your bowl hopes are still alive, right? Here, have a Fresca.
Illinois’ defense. Sixty points a game? They’ll fit right in.
Flushed ’em, along with that spider I killed in my bathroom.
BAG BOY
Drive through St. Louis and moon the Cardinals fans.
Talk to me after they play Michigan, Iowa and Ohio State.
The NCAA’s Division II is taking applications. No shame in that.
The Vikings. All of them. And I mean, like, today.
They’re stacked in a junkyard on top of the “Rex Grossman can last an entire season” expectations.
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E-mail them at redeyesports@tribune.com.
