TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: If you saw Mike Singletary on the street this week, what would you do?
TOPIC 2: If the Bears win five straight, how do we celebrate?
TOPIC 3: In what way could you liven up a congressional hearing on steroids?
TOPIC 4: Why is Bobby Valentine probably staying in Japan to manage?
TOPIC 5: Scottie Pippen’s jersey gets retired Dec. 9. Gift ideas?
JIMMY GREENFIELD
Shake his hand and through tears say, “Thank you, sir.”
Get some lawn chairs and hang out outside the 49ers’ cheerleaders’ bathroom.
Put a few vials of Stanozolol in a milk bowl and say, “Here, Raffy Raffy. Here, Raffy Raffy.”
He enjoys being a small man in a small bowl.
A Scottie Pippen jersey autographed by all the women he’s had children with.
PHIL THOMPSON
Challenge him to a stare-down. Bag Boy told me he’s not very good. He wouldn’t set me up, would he?
How about a luau? We can roast Andy Reid. Beedee, beedee, beedee, that’s all folks!
Serve coffee, but not just any coffee. Palmeiro’s Choice.
He’s been watching “The Last Samurai.” That’s only funny to me and Tom Cruise, and he’s, well, insane.
I wanted 33 choir members to sing his 33 greatest moments, but they refused to go with 1.8 second left.
LEO EBERSOLE
Say that he looked waaaay better in glasses than Jim McMahon.
We go to Disney World and ride Space Mountain. Jimmy waits outside with the camera.
In between questions, athletes are timed to see how fast they can pull one 18-wheeler across the floor of Congress.
Clearly he prefers their cars and home electronics. Commie.
We have his stats from the Portland years wiped from the public record.
WHIZZER
“Hey four eyes, bet you can’t tackle like you used to.” Then when he turns, I’d point at Phil.
Hey. No parties. We focus on No. 6, and we do it with the help of margaritas and a parade!
Hire the guy who did the light show for U2.
He manages a team named “the Marines.” Talk about job security. Hey-ho!
Let’s get the 1998 team back together and win No. 7, just this once.
BAG BOY
Not a word. Instead, I would sprinkle rose petals at his feet and burn incense and chant a lot.
I name my first born “Kyle.” I’m saving the “Lovie” promise for a Super Bowl win.
The only congressmen allowed in the room are the ones who can bench 300 pounds.
Look, if the Tampa Bay Devil Rays wanted you, you’d stay out of the country too.
This is time for worship, not cheap shots. So I’ll just sit in this chair over here, this one, right here, the one on the ground …
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Send your answers to redeyesports@tribune.com.
