1. Cheap shot
Scientists have discovered a new dinosaur that lived in the ocean and hunted sea creatures. Nicknamed “Godzilla,” the prehistoric reptile is believed to have eaten its last meal around the same time as Nicole Richie.
2. Plan ahead
Victoria’s Secret just taped its fashion show. It airs Dec. 6, leaving men plenty of time to craft alibis and women plenty of time to hire defense lawyers.
3. The big day
Christina Aguilera told reporters she’s going to have a “wedding weekend” with themes for all three days. This is how I picture my wedding, except it’ll be on a weekday, and the theme will be “get out of the courthouse as quickly as possible.”
4. Coat of arms
Kanye West leads the latest movement in men’s fashion: Eskimosexual.
5. Logic test
Donald Trump’s latest reason for “The Apprentice’s” low ratings is that NBC’s “Joey” isn’t a strong enough lead-in show. That’s like saying bubonic plague is unpopular because it came from fleas.
6. Ugh
Fox put “Arrested Development” on hold. Oh, goody. More room for “Stacked” and “Skating With Celebrities.”
7. Trading spaces
The smoking rate is down among American adults, leading experts to believe that Colin Farrell has changed addresses.
8. Choose and lose
Charlie Sheen and Jennifer Love Hewitt are among the nominees for the People’s Choice Awards. When are we just going to admit that democracy doesn’t work?
9. Living the dream
DreamWorks is planning a movie called “Kung Fu Panda.” It’s about time my life story hit the big screen.
