Due to their emotional state, Five on Five panelists announced they won’t answer any Tyra Banks questions at this time. We ask that you respect their wishes. E-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com.
TOPIC 1: Where is USC’s Reggie Bush playing this time next year?
Leo Ebersole: He’ll be in the Orange Bowl as a member of the San Francisco 49ers.
Phillip Thompson: He’ll be playing in Houston or purgatory, whichever has the first draft pick.
Evil Super Computer: If my secret project gets funding, he’s back inside the Matrix with the rest of you.
Whizzer: San Francisco, or just outside San Francisco as he runs for his life.
Bag Boy: He’s ending his holdout with the Texans right about now.
TOPIC 2: Can the Colts run the table and finish undefeated?
Leo Ebersole: Yes, and, along with the Spurs, they become the most boring dynasty on Earth.
Phillip Thompson: Could the Bears do it? No! What does that have to do with the Colts? Nothing!
Evil Super Computer: Yes, but only because my homemade laser-guided machine warriors aren’t on their schedule.
Whizzer: Yes. Now get off the damned table or you’ll leave a mark!
Bag Boy: They lose the rest of their games and fall in the first round. Please.
TOPIC 3: What song will you absolutely not stand for?
Leo Ebersole: “Sit Down. Stand Up” by Radiohead. It’s a lot less confusing to remain seated.
Phillip Thompson: After Pink and The Black Eyed Peas, I’m confiscating the NBA’s iPod.
Evil Super Computer: Anything by Coldplay. I mean, really now.
Whizzer: Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On.” Here, let me dim the lights and …
Bag Boy: Michigan’s fight song. Although I do occasionally moon it.
TOPIC 4: Predict the next big move in baseball’s off-season.
Leo Ebersole: The Florida Marlins trade the rest of their roster to Seattle for a bag of coffee grounds.
Phillip Thompson: Anna Benson’s mouth gets her husband Kris moved into the Mets’ doghouse.
Evil Super Computer: Video replay gets approved only to be overturned when the owners review their vote on replay.
Whizzer: January arrives and the Sox’s World Series trophy winters in Miami.
Bag Boy: Cubs get Juan Pierre but not that Juan Pierre.
TOPIC 5: The Rose Bowl is a month away. Start hyping it now.
Leo Ebersole: Tune in to see the one bust the Bears will inevitably draft.
Phillip Thompson: “The new and improved Rose Bowl: now with 100 percent less Michigan.”
Evil Super Computer: It’s the biggest game since Cal Tech vs. M.I.T. I was there, and I was so wasted.
Whizzer: Sushi vs. Tex-Mex, flip-flops vs. cowboy boots, dudes vs. dude ranches, open lifestyles vs. …
Bag Boy: It’s like the Music City Bowl but with real tradition, real meaning and real teams.
