“We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own.”
–Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan, on police having to use a stun gun to arrest Jakub Fik, who had cut off his penis because he was distressed over his relationship with his girlfriend in Poland.
“It’s like a feeding frenzy around here.”
–Amanda Uhry, head of Manhattan Private School Advisors, about the rising cost of private high school tuition, which is expected to reach $50,000 by 2015.
“I don’t think in the annals of criminal law there has ever been a case with this many significant problems.”
–U.S. District Judge Leonie Brinkema, on problems surrounding the sentencing case of Zacarias Moussaoui, the only person to be charged in the U.S. in the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.
“She once told a litigant who was complaining about one of her rulings that he could invoke Rule 95 if he was so unhappy. The lawyer looked puzzled and asked her what Rule 95 was. She said, `You can get in your car and drive down Interstate 95 to Richmond and appeal my decision to the Court of Appeals there.'”
–Jeremy Bash, who clerked for Brinkema, on the judge’s humor. Brinkema tossed out half of the federal government’s case against Moussaoui because of questionable conduct by government lawyer Carla Martin.
“Even I get tired of telling people how dumb we are.”
–Sheriff Bernie Giusto, on the 2-year-old, $59 million jail in Portland, Ore., that has not housed a single inmate because Multnomah County can’t afford to open it.
“Now I’m stuck way over by the window and can barely even reach my husband.”
–Faith Miller, a newlywed who was wrongfully ticketed in Oregon for cuddling up with her husband by sitting in the middle of the front seat of their car and not wearing a shoulder belt.
“It’s a white desert out there.”
–Ray Berkelmans, a marine scientist, about the bleaching and likely death of coral in Australia’s Great Barrier Reef caused by a sudden rise in ocean temperatures.
“You know, I really feel like I got bagged.”
–House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio), on Jessica Simpson’s (left) decision not to attend a Republican fundraiser in Washington that President Bush was to attend.
