TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What would you have inscribed inside your World Series ring?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Thank you, BALCO.”
Phillip Thompson: “Good for 1,000 free meals.”
Leo Ebersole: “If you’re reading this, Jimmy, give me back my ring.”
Mike North: “Thank God I’m not a Cub.”
Bag Boy: “Dear Bag Boy, you complete me. Love, Jen Aniston. P.S. Cardinals suck!”
TOPIC 2: A football school wins the basketball crown. What’s next?
Jimmy Greenfield: Lacrosse players committing crimes usually committed by football players.
Phillip Thompson: Northwestern will turn into a football school. Or a basketball school. (Sorry, Leo)
Leo Ebersole: A football school wins another women’s lacrosse championship. That’s right, I said it.
Mike North: Barry Bonds writes a book on honesty and nutrition.
Bag Boy: A basketball school goes to that football school and toilet-papers their quad.
TOPIC 3: Lance Armstrong will drive the Indy 500 pace car. Give him a tip.
Jimmy Greenfield: Stay out of the bicycle lane.
Phillip Thompson: Never confuse them with NASCAR. Indy fans are your more sophisticated hicks.
Leo Ebersole: Try to resist the urge to bump the French drivers into the wall.
Mike North: Don’t turn right.
Bag Boy: Push the pedal down just once and let the car do the rest of the work.
TOPIC 4: What should be done to fans that throw things at baseball players?
Jimmy Greenfield: Invite them into the locker room for a postgame “celebration.”
Phillip Thompson: Hang them by their thumbs off the upper deck for Home Run Derby. Next up, Barry Bonds.
Leo Ebersole: An immediate sign-and-trade to the Kansas City Royals.
Mike North: If they throw syringes, nothing. Anything else, they get ejected.
Bag Boy: You want to send the fan a message without overreacting. Five years in prison does the trick.
TOPIC 5: Name one thing missing from the Cubs’ newly designed bleachers.
Jimmy Greenfield: Non-delusional fans.
Phillip Thompson: Barf bags. They would have multiple uses at Wrigley.
Leo Ebersole: The Bud Light Albert Pujols Home Run Catcher.
Mike North: Reasonable price for a ticket.
Bag Boy: Ejector seats.
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E-mail the crew at redeyesports@tribune.com.
