1. Hung up
It’s a little alarming to think that government spies might be monitoring our phone calls. Surely by now they’ve discovered my close ties to known stuffed pizza traffickers.
2. Thou shalt diet
A new article in USA Today says Oprah Winfrey is becoming a kind of spiritual leader for America. Not surprisingly, cupcakes and James Frey are now the eighth and ninth deadly sins.
3. First timer
Lindsay Lohan says “Just My Luck” is “my first romantic comedy”–not counting her relationship with Wilmer Valderrama.
4. Don’t make her angry
Tyra Banks begins her transformation into the Incredible Diva.
5. Crash course
Showtime is planning a biographical TV series about Billy Joel. It’s actually going to be spliced together from stock footage of “America’s Most Dangerous Car Chases.”
6. Voiceless
Depeche Mode canceled its concert here Thursday because the lead singer came down with laryngitis. How come this kind of thing never happens to the Pussycat Dolls?
7. To heir is human
Paris Hilton apparently got the name of her own video game wrong when she showed up to promote it at an L.A. gaming convention. This is why she gets paid the big bucks, folks.
8. Image is everything
In a time of war and uncertainty, “Poseidon” is just what America needs to see–a giant … sinking … ship.
9. Wimp my ride
The maker of Vespa scooters introduced a new three-wheeled motorized scooter Thursday in an apparent effort to target the “complete wuss” market.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
