TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Complete this sentence: Kerry Wood is …
Jimmy Greenfield: … a lovely man who would be even lovelier if he pitched for another team.
Phillip Thompson: … killing Jimmy’s fantasy team after just one day. But he’ll always be Jimmy’s real-life fantasy.
Leo Ebersole: … clearly not paying attention to coach Tom Emanski’s pitching skills tape. For shame.
Whizzer: … throwing pitches that even Leo could hit.
Marissa Whitley: … Blue Cross Blue Shield’s most prized patient, I mean, client.
TOPIC 2: Albert Belle and Artis Gilmore were both arrested on Wednesday. Any comment?
Jimmy Greenfield: I TOLD them not to party with the Northwestern soccer team.
Phillip Thompson: A stalking charge for Belle isn’t surprising. I told Jimmy: Cleavage attracts negative attention.
Leo Ebersole: Join the Ricky Manning Jr. club.
Whizzer: Their real crimes: Never winning titles for Chicago. Shame on you, sirs, shame on you.
Marissa Whitley: They should be more like Phil, who lives at marissawhitley.com. It’s kept him out of trouble.
TOPIC 3: What are Barbaro’s plans the night before the Preakness?
Jimmy Greenfield: Bottle, burp, bed. Don’t forget, he’s only 2 years old.
Phillip Thompson: He’s going to sow some wild oats. He’s a horse, people, I’m talking about real oats.
Leo Ebersole: Same as any horse’s plans before the big race: bourbon and mares.
Whizzer: Crank call rival Brother Derek’s hotel room and ask if his sister “Bo” is there.
Marissa Whitley: To watch his TiVo’d “Grey’s Anatomy” episode like the rest of the world! Ooh, McDreamy!
TOPIC 4: What’s a more appropriate name for the Cubs-Sox games than the Crosstown Classic?
Jimmy Greenfield: “The Wreck of the Andy MacPhail.”
Phillip Thompson: “The Windy City Blowout.”
Leo Ebersole: “The Stupor Bowl.”
Whizzer: “World’s Largest Cocktail Party.” What? I heard Georgia’s not using it anymore.
Marissa Whitley: Who cares? The visual is enough to make me wanna watch. Ooh-la-la!
TOPIC 5: Who is your biggest rival?
Jimmy Greenfield: Johnson, Navin R. Typical bastard.
Phillip Thompson: I was to be Harvest King at the ’93 County Fair. Curse you Ebersole and your fancy overalls.
Leo Ebersole: That flag-waving meddler Duke. Hear this, G.I. Joe: Your time has come. COBRA!
Whizzer: One diabolical Phillip L. Thompson. Marissa, did you get the flowers? XOXOXO.
Marissa Whitley: RedEye’s Brian Moore, who took my spot on WearWolves. Now I’m stuck with you guys.
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E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com
