TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: In 10 years, what will we say about the Bulls upcoming No. 2 draft pick?
Phillip Thompson: “He gave me paper when I clearly asked for plastic.”
Brian Moore: “At his position, one of the best. His position will, of course, be seldom-used, overpaid backup.”
Adam Caldarelli: “Thanks, Isiah!”
Bag Boy: “You there, by the counter. What’s the soup today?”
Stick Figure: “You played pro ball? Go ahead and guess what I can squat press.”
TOPIC 2: Pick this weekend’s Indy 500 winner.
Phillip Thompson: Barbaro. I’m so wrong.
Brian Moore: Sam Hornish Jr. Greatest American IndyCar driver since Rick Mears.
Adam Caldarelli: A.J. Foyt?
Really, I haven’t a clue.
Bag Boy: If he keeps his pit stop times down, the U.S. Cellular Field squirrel.
Stick Figure: Stop staring, Caldarelli, or I’ll crush your larynx between my pinkies.
TOPIC 3: Why is the NFL taking so long to name a new commissioner?
Phillip Thompson: Not a lot of guys with commissioner experience. There’s Gordon, the Commish …
Brian Moore: It’s the Brett Favre approach. Procrastinate until no one cares enough to criticize or praise.
Adam Caldarelli: They’re trying to find someone with a nickname as cool as “Tags.”
Bag Boy: Brad won’t be available until after Angelina has the baby.
Stick Figure: Today, lats and triceps, then legs and butt. Man, I am GOR-GEOUS.
TOPIC 4: What does Eddie Olczyk bring to the Blackhawks’ broadcast booth?
Phillip Thompson: Hopefully a pronunciation guide. His name doesn’t have enough consonants.
Brian Moore: For his sake, hopefully a 6-pack and something to read.
Adam Caldarelli: Nothing that Pat Foley didn’t.
Bag Boy: Whoa, whoa, Hawks games are on TV?
Stick Figure: Bri-guy, I know a guy who can help you with those stick-figure arms.
TOPIC 5: Without naming names, we’re a little concerned. Is everyone here OK?
Phillip Thompson: I never noticed Stick Figure’s resemblance to Sammy Sosa. Must be the eyes.
Brian Moore: I think I just wet myself.
Adam Caldarelli: You mean, besides Stick Figure and his “backne”? Yeah, we’re all fine.
Bag Boy: Sure, we’re all fine here (psst, Phil get the tranquilizer dart gun).
Stick Figure: GRRRRRRR. COME GET YOUR STICK KICKIN’!
———-
e-mail us at redeyesports@tribune.com
