TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: How did Chicago lose the Big Ten tournament to Indianapolis?
Jimmy Greenfield: Same way Phil lost his virginity. Quickly.
Phillip Thompson: Something to do with pork-barrel politics. All Hoosiers keep actual pork in a barrel, right Brian?
Leo Ebersole: Indy bribed officials with box seats to the Colts’ next playoff collapse.
Brian Moore: How did Chicago get it in the first place? Indiana and basketball go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Bag Boy: I hope my birthday party at the United Center doesn’t have anything to do with this.
TOPIC 2: Invent a new mascot name for the Detroit Tigers.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Detroit Drive-Bys.
Phillip Thompson: Le Tigre. In honor of retro-shirt-wearing yuppies everywhere.
Leo Ebersole: The Detroit Fade. The new name goes into effect right before the All-Star break.
Brian Moore: The Detroit Mirage. Because they’ll never last.
Bag Boy: The Detroit “BBQ’d” Wings.
I just can’t get over your betrayal, Chris Chelios.
TOPIC 3: What would have happened if Michelle Wie had qualified for the U.S. Open?
Jimmy Greenfield: Women would start to think they should also have the right to vote.
Phillip Thompson: Fuzzy Zoeller would’ve made a remark about Happy Meals and Red Bull at the Champion’s Dinner.
Leo Ebersole: She’d have missed the Stanley Cup finals, just like the rest of us.
Brian Moore: She would have competed against the big boys and deserved the beating they’d have given her.
Bag Boy: Enough already! Luckily this headgear easily converts into a barf bag.
TOPIC 4: What will you do if Northwestern wins the softball title?
Jimmy Greenfield: Seek out and party with the women’s soccer team.
Phillip Thompson: Bourbon and Chippendale’s dancers for the ladies and Jimmy.
Leo Ebersole: My tentative plans involve a keg, a Slip N’ Slide and lots of purple and white paint.
Brian Moore: Let Leo gloat, then gently remind him about NU’s other underachieving sports.
Bag Boy: I’ll paint my entire body purple. But I refuse to wax first.
TOPIC 5: Who would be the ideal radio partner for Mike Ditka?
Jimmy Greenfield: Joe Namath after a few drinks.
Phillip Thompson: Ditka and Brian Moore, like fire and spice.
Leo Ebersole: Ricky Williams, and at least one host has to wear a wedding dress for each broadcast.
Brian Moore: Bag Boy. Ditka’s a winner; Bag Boy’s a loser. Bingo!
Bag Boy: I would have to pick–HEY!! WHAT GIVES, MOORE !?!
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