TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Explain the recent slide by the Sox?
Jimmy Greenfield: Even right watches are broken twice a day.
Phillip Thompson: Hmmm, still think sending Ozzie Guillen to sensitivity class was a good idea?
Leo Ebersole: Apparently their starters haven’t reported back from the All-Star break.
Brian Moore: They are human after all. The Tigers, however, remain superhuman.
Bag Boy: Simple: God hates me.
TOPIC 2: It was so hot in Chicago this weekend …
Jimmy Greenfield: … I sold my sweat for $1.25 a bottle.
Phillip Thompson: … that all of Brian’s hair melted. Wait a minute. Jimmy, you’re back!
Leo Ebersole: … Dusty Baker is now on the “I’ll say this–at least it’s not humid” seat.
Brian Moore: … you couldn’t tell if Dusty Baker was sweating because his job’s in jeopardy or his AC went out.
Bag Boy: … that on Sunday I sweated through one dozen bags and a half-dozen pairs of boxers.
TOPIC 3: Doctors say Barbaro is in a “good frame of mind.” How can they tell?
Jimmy Greenfield: The vets who examined him were a little hoarse.
Phillip Thompson: How can you tell if a horse is happy? Not touching that one.
Leo Ebersole: He was spotted with a copy of Maxim magazine’s 100 Hottest Mares.
Brian Moore: He’s still letting Barry borrow his horse steroids.
Bag Boy: He’s not a Sox fan.
TOPIC 4: Can the Cubs catch the Brewers for fourth place by season’s end?
Jimmy Greenfield: Fourth place is the goal? Kill me. Just kill me right now.
Phillip Thompson: Sure, but then they would be demoted to “likeable losers.”
Leo Ebersole: It really depends on which second-string pitching staff can get the job done.
Brian Moore: In that crappy division, 1st isn’t out of reach, but it’s more likely Cubs catch Pirates for last.
Bag Boy: Yes, but it will be by the end of the 2010 season.
TOPIC 5: Lay a little of your best trash talk down on somebody here.
Jimmy Greenfield: Phil is so bad at trash talking he probably had to use an exclamation point.
Phillip Thompson: Leo, from the look of your physique, I see that Krispy Kreme transfusion was a success!
Leo Ebersole: Brian, I eat people like you for breakfast. No seriously, if you’re not using that leg …
Brian Moore: Phil, you’re so weak, you couldn’t strike a match.
Bag Boy: Brian, I haven’t heard trash talk that weak since … Leo’s trash talk.
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