TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: What is Dusty Baker doing five years from now?
Jimmy Greenfield: Walking the beach muttering “I should have believed in the goat” over and over.
Phillip Thompson: He plays the skipper in the Martin Lawrence parody “Chilligan’s Island.”
Leo Ebersole: If I were him? Running up the pitcher count at the bar.
Whizzer: He takes over Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s ride at the Daytona 500. He finishes fourth.
David Grossman: Hosting the “World Series of Darts.”
TOPIC 2: ESPN pulled the ‘World Series of Darts.’ What should replace it?
Jimmy Greenfield: The World Series of Competitive Dart Eating.
Phillip Thompson: A new game, “Dunk the ESPN Sports Programmer.”
Leo Ebersole: The new ESPN Outdoors hunting show “Holy [bleep], Who Invited Maurice Clarett?”
Whizzer: Lawn Jarts. Outdoor arenas, weather’s a factor, much more wide-open offense …
David Grossman: Way to go Dusty. First the Cubs, then the “World Series of Darts.”
TOPIC 3: What’s next for the net-jumping fan who is now banned for life from Yankees games?
Jimmy Greenfield: He spends his remaining days jumping into nets at semi-professional ballparks.
Phillip Thompson: He enters the Professional Nut Job Draft. “Fear Factor” takes him with the first pick.
Leo Ebersole: A triple-gainer from Shea Stadium’s upper deck into a pool of Mets fan flop sweat.
Whizzer: Three simple unpronounceable words: Cirque. Du. Soleil.
David Grossman: Gives up trying to get banned from all MLB parks when his antics go unnoticed at U.S. Cellular.
TOPIC 4: Let’s say you own the SuperSonics. Where would you move the team to and why?
Jimmy Greenfield: Lawrence, Kan. Then I’d visit more often and get to eat a lot more Yello Subs.
Phillip Thompson: Nantucket, because it rhymes with “Can suck it.”
Leo Ebersole: You mean Seattle isn’t begging and pleading to keep the team that drafted Saer Sene?
Whizzer: A large barge that floats up and down the West Coast.
David Grossman: Saskatchewan SuperSonics because it’s fun to say.
TOPIC 5: Create a sports TV network that doesn’t exist but that you demand must be launched.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Classic Future Sports Events Network.
Phillip Thompson: Pros & Cons. The professional athlete/amateur criminal channel.
Leo Ebersole: PKN: The Phil Karaoke Network. That’s not sport, you say? Just watch.
Whizzer: Five on Five TV. Leo hosts live infomercials for Ginsu knives from 2 to 4 a.m.
David Grossman: The Overpaid, Overrated Sports Network with lots of Chicago stars past and present.
