TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: Any parting words for Dusty Baker?
Jimmy Greenfield: We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. The curse is real.
Phillip Thompson: You drove away Sammy Sosa, so for that I’ll always be grateful.
Leo Ebersole: Never forget the glory days–before you kept handing the ball to the worst closers in the league.
Evil Super Computer: The odds were always against you. Why? BECAUSE I SET THEM!
Bag Boy: I had a speech ready from my “Fired Cubs Managers” file, now where is it?
TOPIC 2: Can anyone beat the Bears?
Jimmy Greenfield: The 1985 Miami Dolphins.
Phillip Thompson: All it takes is one man … Mini Ditka!
Leo Ebersole: Not even the reunited cast of “Baywatch.” Oh, God, I’ve said too much.
Evil Super Computer: Only if someone could tap into their headsets to hear the plays. HAHAHAHA!
Bag Boy: If I say “no,” they’re as good as skunked next week against Buffalo. Not falling for it.
TOPIC 3: Where is Christian Laettner getting the money to buy the Memphis Grizzlies?
Jimmy Greenfield: Gee, an NBA player with a boatload of cash. Imagine that.
Phillip Thompson: It took him years, but it’s better Laettner than never. I’ll show myself out.
Leo Ebersole: Duke’s boosters decided it’s a better investment than giving to the football program.
Evil Super Computer: Years from now they’ll find a $360 million glitch in his bank account. But I’ll know better.
Bag Boy: It’s the Grizzlies. I could buy them.
TOPIC 4: Give Ozzie Guillen a reason to watch the playoffs.
Jimmy Greenfield: So he can watch eight teams that, on paper, aren’t as good as the White Sox.
Phillip Thompson: It’s always good to keep an eye on the guys who could be your eventual replacement.
Leo Ebersole: What could be more fun than watching your good buddy Magglio Ordonez?
Evil Super Computer: Watching baseball on TV is just plain American. And totally free of mind-control signals.
Bag Boy: You have to keep your heckling skills sharp in the postseason.
TOPIC 5: Bill Romanowski is a youth football coach. What’s going on there?
Jimmy Greenfield: Somebody taught him the wrong way of doing things, and he’s just paying it backward.
Phillip Thompson: Lord Vader had a scheduling conflict and sent his apprentice.
Leo Ebersole: Thanks to ongoing anger-management issues, Romo actually leads the team in tackles.
Evil Super Computer: Bah! These kids could pick up a lot from Romo. Just watch their juice boxes.
Bag Boy: This has to be tied somehow to the juvenile justice system.
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