Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in Wednesdays. Visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive and sign up to make your own guest appearance.
TOPIC 1: WHO IS THE COOLEST ATHLETE CURRENTLY PLAYING IN CHICAGO?
Jimmy Greenfield: Jermaine Dye. Looks, talent and no complaints about being underpaid.
Phillip Thompson: Mike Brown. He never gets down, even when he’s out.
Leo Ebersole: Kyle Orton, a.k.a. Teen Wolf
MikeNorth: Brian Griese. Lake Forest home, millions of dollars, and all he does is carry a clipboard!
Bag Boy: Martin Havlat of the Hawks. He plays on ice, duh!
TOPIC 2: WHO IS THE UNCOOLEST ATHLETE CURRENTLY PLAYING IN CHICAGO?
Jimmy Greenfield: Robbie Gould. Sure, he’s a kicker, but football nerds are still quite rare.
Phillip Thompson: That’s a terrible question, and I’m not going to be a party to picking on Kirk Hinrich.
Leo Ebersole: Pretty much all athletes in Chicago are cool–not that they always keep their cool.
MikeNorth: Juan Uribe may be involved in gunplay–very uncool.
Anyone from the Fire. C’mon, these are obvious answers, folks!
TOPIC 3: HOW DO WE BRING MORE PARITY TO FIVE ON FIVE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Impose a salary cap on Mike North and spread the wealth.
Phillip Thompson: Institute bye weeks. Bye, Leo. Bye, Jimmy.
Leo Ebersole: We group Jimmy with Phil and limit them to one tickle fight per week.
MikeNorth: Impossible as long as I’m involved.
Bag Boy: We need a union! Yeah, I said it. I’d even tell those men in black suits who are rushing toward me!
TOPIC 4: WHAT SHOULD THE SOX GIVE UP IN A TRADE FOR A-ROD?
Jimmy Greenfield: Joe Crede, Freddy Garcia and Juan Uribe’s six-shooter.
Phillip Thompson: Sox: “We’ll give you Mark Prior and Felix Pie.” Cubs: “That sounds like a great–waitaminute!”
Leo Ebersole: To make it even? A cardboard cutout that will strike out looking for the entire postseason.
MikeNorth: Uribe, McCarthy, Fisk, Carlos May and Alex Fernandez
Bag Boy: I’ll give you my fists, Thunder and Lightning, and you can keep the change.
TOPIC 5: MAKE UP A HIGH SCHOOL THAT MIGHT QUALIFY FOR THE CLASS 1A FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS.
Jimmy Greenfield: Tri-City Union Talmage Coop
Phillip Thompson: Wynona Valley South vs. Cornfield Country Day
Leo Ebersole: The Fighting Illini of Urbana-Champaign High
MikeNorth: Cubs high school playing .500 ball needing three teams in their conference to lose to qualify.
Bag Boy: Uneeda Enema
