The maturity level has been dropping lately so we brought in 10-year-old Sam Kelly to restore some sophistication around here. If you want to play with the big boys, visit us at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TODAY’S QUESTIONS
TOPIC 1: WHICH ATHLETE OR COACH ACTS THE MOST LIKE A KID?
Jimmy Greenfield: Sean Casey. Now, ask me who acts most like a child and you’ll get a far different answer.
Phillip Thompson: No tantrum like Dennis Green’s since “Baby Geniuses 2.” Not that I’ve ever seen that movie.
Leo Ebersole: Demanding money, playing video games, whining–which athlete doesn’t act like a kid
Sam Kelly: A.J. Pierzynski and Michael Barrett. For starting a brawl on the playground.
Bag Dog: They only put me here ’cause “the demo” loves kids and dogs. So make with the cute already.
TOPIC 2: WHICH MEMBER OF FIVE ON FIVE IS LIKE, TOTALLY UNCOOL, AND WHY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Jimmy Greenfield. Do I even need to explain why? Sadly, no.
Phillip Thompson: We’re all bogus, dude. See what I mean?
Leo Ebersole: Sam and Phil, because Sam hasn’t had a cooties shot and Phil … uh, next question.
Sam Kelly: Bag Dog, stop trying to take the place of Whizzer.
Bag Dog: Snap, snap, Sammy! Happy hour’s almost over.
TOPIC 3: IF I COULD PLAY ANY POSITION FOR THE BEARS, I WOULD BE …
Jimmy Greenfield: … a tackling dummy.
Phillip Thompson: The same as in any sport: the fetal position.
Leo Ebersole: … nose guard. Not the D-line, but the guy who controls the stink on Bears passing downs.
Sam Kelly: Linebacker.
It’s ON, Peyton Manning!
Bag Dog: Wide receiver. If you can catch a Frisbee, the world’s pretty much your signing bonus.
TOPIC 4: GIVE A BULL A GRADE IN WHATEVER SUBJECT YOU CHOOSE, AND TELL US WHY.
Jimmy Greenfield: Kirk Hinrich, an “A” in economics. For recognizing $50 million is a boatload of dough.
Phillip Thompson: Martynas Andriuskevicius gets an automatic “A” in spelling.
Leo Ebersole: Ben Wallace, P.J. Brown and Tyrus Thomas get an “incomplete” in scoring.
Sam Kelly: Ben Wallace gets an “A” in math–for figuring how to make $28,455.28 a point.
Bag Dog: Ben Wallace gets a “C-” in chemistry, but he’ll get more comfortable with the team.
TOPIC 5: IF I WROTE A COMIC BOOK, (BLANK) WOULD BE MY SUPERHERO AND HIS SUPERPOWER WOULD BE (BLANK).
Jimmy Greenfield: Bill Wirtz would be my hero, and his superpower would be selling the Blackhawks.
Phillip Thompson: Barry Bonds. And his power would be invisibility.
Leo Ebersole: Derek Jeter. Giving me money.
Sam Kelly: Alfonso Soriano. And his superpower would be to save the Cubs from ultra-humiliation.
Bag Dog: Duane “Dog” Chapman can track down little boys who pull Bag Dog’s ears.
