Leo’s off today, so RedEye’s Scott Kleinberg is filling in for him. Please give him the customary Five on Five”welcome.” Bag Boy, release the hounds! Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: THE FIRST TWO ROUNDS ARE OVER. HOW’S YOUR NCAA BRACKET?
Jimmy Greenfield: The top 12 seeds advanced, so it’s just fine. But so is everybody’s.
Phillip Thompson: It hasn’t exploded yet, but Jack Bauer’s been called in to get it out of the country.
Scott Kleinberg: My bracket is imaginary, so I’m lucky because I lost the Duke game but ended up winning it.
Brian Moore: Good. Big Ten teams can play; teams from the West can’t; and Bob Knight can’t win in Round 1.
Bag Boy: I only do the NIT bracket. Just me and Scott.
TOPIC 2: IF YOU HAD AN OFFICE POOL ON ‘THE OFFICE,’ WHO’S YOUR CHAMPION?
Jimmy Greenfield: Toby. Quiet performer, great rim shots.
Phillip Thompson: Dwight Schrute easily. And I’m not just saying that because he’s sitting to my left.
Scott Kleinberg: Absolutely Stanley. He’s quiet but he plays a mean game.
Brian Moore: Jim. He’s quiet yet crafty; just the type to fly under the radar. Like Georgetown maybe?
Bag Boy: Pam. You can see the years of disappointment and failure in her eyes. So sexy.
TOPIC 3: WHY DO THE BULLS STRUGGLE AGAINST BAD TEAMS?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Bulls are mediocre. Haven’t we covered this before?
Phillip Thompson: Clearly they’re trying to give their future playoff opponents a false sense of security. Shyeah.
Scott Kleinberg: Like the Cubs, they concentrate on streaks–losing streaks.
Brian Moore: Because the Bulls aren’t exactly an elite team yet.
Bag Boy: It’s their way of saying don’t expect a championship ring this decade.
TOPIC 4: HELP TANK JOHNSON GET THROUGH THE NEXT FOUR MONTHS.
Jimmy Greenfield: Three words: Start working out.
Phillip Thompson: Remind the other inmates your name is “Tank.” Or, just say you’re Scott’s (bleep).
Scott Kleinberg: He should lie in bed and write haikus. Less he talks, the better.
Brian Moore: Sorry. He made his own mess. He can deal.
Bag Boy: It will be just like training camp, except you get tasered for missing curfew.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO JUSTIN GAGE, WHO LEFT THE BEARS FOR THE TITANS?
Jimmy Greenfield: You were a Bear?
Phillip Thompson: There’s a guy there named Pacman Jones. Great mentor. You should look him up.
Scott Kleinberg: I’d say coming in last place isn’t so bad. … Just ask Phil.
Brian Moore: Don’t forget to keep in touch and let us know what it’s like to play for a real QB.
Bag Boy: You no longer exist to me, sir.
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