Reader of the week Dan Aske is back, and he’s joined by Rahula Strohl of chicagosports.com. One more clown and we’ll have a circus!
TOPIC 1: WHAT’S NOT WORKING FOR SCOTT SKILES?
Jimmy Greenfield: I told him a thousand times, go with the saline not the silicone.
Phillip Thompson: I know you’re going for the Jon Gruden scowl, but you look like Jimmy during a prostate exam.
Leo Ebersole: Anyone playing power forward.
Dan Aske: His threat of kicking a puppy if the Bulls don’t play better. Not cool, Scott.
Rahula Strohl: Rogaine.
TOPIC 2: WHAT IS MASTERS CHAMPION ZACH JOHNSON DOING RIGHT NOW?
Jimmy Greenfield: Wearing his green jacket to dinner, to bed, in the shower …
Phillip Thompson: His wife is thinking, “Where did this ugly green jacket come from? Goodwill, here you come …”
Leo Ebersole: Like so many other Masters surprises, he’s preparing to not make the cut at the U.S. Open.
Dan Aske: Stalking around the house in nothing but his green jacket.
Rahula Strohl: Green Jell-o shots.
TOPIC 3: TAKE YOUR LEAST FAVORITE SPORTS CLICHE AND CHANGE ITS MEANING.
Jimmy Greenfield: “I’ve never done steroids.” (Translation: I can’t see my testicles with a magnifying glass.)
Phillip Thompson: “Control your own destiny” is the new “master of your domain.”
Leo Ebersole: “He’s a special player” now means “somebody cut Dick Vitale’s mic, please.”
Dan Aske: “Marching down the field” would mean that the band has lost it and is rebelling. Run, villagers, run!
Rahula Strohl: “Stay within myself” now means to finish a case of Natty Light and not puke.
TOPIC 4: WHO’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE EX-CHICAGO BASEBALL PLAYER AND WHY?
Jimmy Greenfield: I don’t hate, I just love. But Sammy Sosa still makes me ill.
Phillip Thompson: Was there ever a more classy individual than Albert Belle?
Leo Ebersole: LaTroy Hawkins, who somehow is killing my fantasy team even while pitching in Colorado.
Dan Aske: Neifi Perez. He scored 31 runs last year. That’s only 31 more than me, and I didn’t even play!
Rahula Strohl: Carl Everett, because I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid.
TOPIC 5: IF PACMAN JONES WAS IN CHARGE OF DISCIPLINE, WHAT WOULD A PUNISHMENT BE?
Jimmy Greenfield: Ten years hard labor chasing flashing ghosts.
Phillip Thompson: Pacman inspired a new answer for No. 3: “110 percent” is now the standard tip for all lap dances.
Leo Ebersole: Players convicted of a felony must stuff dollar bills into a thong worn by commissioner Roger Goodell.
Dan Aske: An hour timeout in the Champagne Room at the strip club.
Rahula Strohl: $81,000 fine, all in singles.
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