Jimmy Greenfield’s not here, but his chair is. So is chicagosports.com’s Rahula Strohl, who is not Jimmy’s chair — but wants to be. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy’s empty chair
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: WHO SHOULD BE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT THEIR NFL DRAFT?
Whatever chair Brady Quinn was sitting in. Boy, did it get a workout!
Realizing they really did trade for Randy Moss, the Patriots ask if it’s too late to get Satan instead.
Philly didn’t need another QB. Then again, he can step in when fans hit the others with batteries.
All who watched it should re-evaluate the direction their life is going in.
The NFL draft is over, and Lance Briggs is still here. Let’s try the military draft.
TOPIC 2: WHAT IS THE ESTORIL OPEN?
Sounds similar to something Jimmy ordered after I heard him say, “It happens to everyone.”
It’s a tennis tournament that you can only play in with a doctor’s prescription.
It’s an orifice on the human body that only Rahula has.
Some kind of menopause medication.
I have a rule: If you have to tell me what it is, I ain’t watchin’ it!
TOPIC 3: WHAT IS THE YUMFECTA?
I could be wrong, but I think it’s the holiday Jimmy made up to get out of work.
It’s the bonus for the Derby winner. It’s also the name of the dog food for the Derby losers.
The — how can I put it — distinct aroma put out by the Estoril.
When every horse in a race tastes good on a Kaiser roll.
It’s the three basic food groups for any sports fan: wings, chips and beer. Duh.
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE DALLAS MAVERICKS?
Obviously they’ve been frightened off by Baron Davis’ beard.
Their coach learned everything he knows from Golden State’s coach. Good plan.
I’m as shocked as anyone. Well, maybe not Mark Cuban. I think he’s still being revived.
They thought they had a bye because “Golden State” just sounds made up.
That’s what they get for not playing in the Eastern Conference.
TOPIC 5: HOW WILL DETROIT WELCOME BACK BEN WALLACE?
They’ll make a bronze statue, which will keep toppling over because of the hair.
The way Detroit welcomes all its visitors — with a 21,000-gun salute.
With open arms holding steel chairs.
With an Eminem medley, just replacing the name “Kim” with “Ben.”
They’ll sacrifice a couple of Pacers to mark the occasion.
