OK, raise your hand — how many of you know-it-all Cubs fans, readers and writers out there have proposed that Tribune Co. sell the Cubs to a real winner … Mark Cuban, owner of the NBA’s absolutely fabulous Dallas Mavericks?
You know, that same Mr. Cuban whose basketball team has never won a championship in his life or anybody else’s.
The same Mavericks who on Thursday night got a floor mopped up with them in the most embarrassing elimination in the history of pro basketball.
Yep, that’s right, Cubs fans, Cuban would bring a bright, new, fresh, free-spending way to Wrigley Field and transform the Cubs into champions for a change, wouldn’t he?
Sure he would.
Tribune Co. committed $300 million during the off-season to try to upgrade the team, but of course Cuban would have spent $600 million! Or $900 million! Or $300 billion! Because don’t forget, Cuban is a man who knows how to win!
Let’s never forget that the cheapskate Tribune Co. has yet to throw another $100 million or so at Carlos Zambrano — because, as you know, Cubs pitchers never get hurt and always give you your money’s worth! Why, with another $100 million in his pocket, “Big Z” would win 20 games again and pitch the Cubs to yet another World Series championship!
(What’s that you say? … Zambrano has only won a total of 66 games for his entire career? Aw, come on. Give him another $100 million anyhow! No, make it $140 million!
Let’s hope the Tribune Co. comes to its senses soon and spends another hundred million or more on a pitcher who has won as many as 16 games in one season!
Mark Cuban would. After all, he is SUCH a magnificent owner. His teams never choke.
———-
mikedowney@tribune.com
