How do you define success? It is an important question. At 16, I would’ve said “a Porsche.” Of course, that’s ridiculous, unless you’re a Porsche owner.
In the context of your work, it is important to know what your goal is. This is typically a major tension in the broadcast business.
I may define “success” as a morning show that features an all-star lineup: INXS, Henry Kissinger, Charo and the St. Luke’s Bottle-Blowing Band. (Now that’s a green room I want to spy on!)
As a reporter, I define it as doing an investigative report that makes a difference. Many people are surprised when I tell them my most memorable moment working at WGN was not interviewing Mel Gibson, but doing an investigative report where we went undercover to test security at a hospital after a crime had been committed there.
Most finely manicured big-shot TV executives don’t care much about any of this. They care about profits. Our ratings on “WGN Morning News” are up 40 percent in the 6 to 9 a.m. slot from a year ago. But to me, that is a separate issue from whether we’re doing a good job.
Rick Kaempfer, who was a well-known radio producer for Steve Dahl and Garry Meier, as well as John Landecker, has written a satire about the broadcasting business. This hysterical critique on corporate morality is called “$everence.”
The main character is a morning Chicago DJ who battles management through painful budget cuts. He wants to get fired and collect his severance, but management is trying to make life so miserable that he’ll just quit.
In a fit of frustration, the DJ sends a sarcastic e-mail about how to cut costs. It includes firing everyone except sales, and hiring a security officer to guard the office supplies. Instead of getting fired, the CEO takes the e-mail plan seriously and promotes the DJ to chief operating officer.
Budget cuts might not be a big deal if you are selling staplers, but broadcasting is different. It includes a major responsibility in a democratic society as a watchdog for authority.
“That’s my big problem with corporate-controlled media. In media, they’re entrusted with informing the electorate and when they cut cost, they do so at the expense of people not finding out what is going on in the world,” Kaempfer told me.
I like to think the good ratings (or profits) follow a good product. If you let a problem fester too long, eventually it catches up with you and consumers lose confidence. Once you lose them, it is very difficult to regain their trust.
So how do you cope with a boss who cares more about profits than people or the product?
Here’s Kaempfer’s plan:
– Praise the boss’ rivals. “Boy did you hear the kind of numbers ol’ Joe Schmo is pulling in at the Kansas City Office?”
– Call every woman in the office by the name of the boss’ ex-wife. “Hey Myrna, can I borrow your … oh, I’m sorry, Bernice. Why do I keep getting that wrong?”
– Find out the boss’ favorite pastry and eat it for breakfast in front of him every morning. “Mmm. I tell ya. This strawberry bismark must have been made by angels.”
Or in the end, you can do what Kaempfer does. He now works for himself, writing a daily humor blog at rickkaempfer.blogspot.com.
“It started as fun,” Kaempfer says. “Now I get 10,000 hits a week; not bad for a guy in his basement.”
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lpotash@tribune.com
