It’s a Cubs party, and everyone’s invited. Except Stick Figure. Who let Stick in here? Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield’s empty Chair
Phillip Thompson
Scott Kleinberg
Brian Moore
Stick Figure
TOPIC 1: HOW EXCITED ARE YOU ABOUT THE CUBS?
I love this time of year. Jimmy can’t sit still.
I haven’t been this excited since I heard Brian Griese was starting.
Ask me in a few days as they are facing elimination.
Sox are done. Bears stink. Hockey: who cares? The Cubs carry the hopes of the city, by default.
Oooo, very, very excited!! What did they do?
TOPIC 2: WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO BRING TO A PLAYOFF PARTY?
I have a friend who’s a Porta Potty.
The series is against Arizona, so someone has to bring the peyote.
My iPhone and Ritz crackers.
Low expectations. It is the Cubs, after all.
Not invited? This is an outrage! I’m writing my Congressman, Senator SpongePants.
TOPIC 3: TELL US SOMETHING WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS.
They really give Jimmy butterflies, and that’s putting it kindly.
One of their TV analysts is the traitor — cough, cough, ahem — I mean ex-Cub Mark Grace.
The outfielders scratch their backs on a cactus they keep in the locker room.
They are good enough to sweep the Cubs, but we’ll all know that soon enough.
I’m not into jewelry. Or the planet Arizona.
TOPIC 4: HOW DOES BRIAN GRIESE COMPARE TO REX GROSSMAN?
They both need to take a seat. I would know.
Griese and Grossman make fans say “Grrrrrr!”
Last name starts with “G” … and … and that’s it.
No difference. I can tell you the difference between Cedric Benson and Thomas Jones though.
I like that Grossman chap. Was he on vacation Sunday?
TOPIC 5: IS THE SEASON OVER FOR THE BEARS?
Like office chair model T-62948Z. For crying out loud, it doesn’t even swivel!
After next week’s humiliating, nationally televised loss, THEN you can jump off the ledge.
Yep. The most exciting Bears right now are the ones in the Charmin commercials.
In the NFC, only a monumentally crappy team is out of it. The Bears are a monumentally crappy team.
Pandas never give up. They (sniff, sniff) never … give … up.
