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Scott Kleinberg
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THE CUBS GOT SWEPT?
Physically — on my couch. Mentally — in my own world, thinking my team would have done better.
I was at the game. So my answer is “hell.”
Enjoying a lovely dinner with friends. Wait, the Cubs were in the playoffs?
Living my life, far away from the TV. OK, OK, I was curled up in my room crying like a baby.
On my couch with a hangover, watching football, like any worn-out, fed-up Chicago fan would be.
TOPIC 2: WHERE DID THE CUBS GO WRONG?
See there’s this goat and this curse, and the answer will be the same next time around.
Where didn’t they?
It was over before Ted Lilly’s glove hit the ground.
You mean this year or the previous 99 years? This could take a while.
Three areas. 1. Not enough hitting. 2. Not enough pitching. 3. They’re the Cubs.
TOPIC 3: THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, LOU PINIELLA WILL BE …
… at Starbucks with Joe Torre looking through want ads online.
… being fed pudding through a straw. Leave, Lou, while you have your sanity.
… completely bald, thanks to his team’s performance in close games.
… still wondering why taking Carlos Zambrano out of Game 1 didn’t work.
… saying to the media, “This is just a start here. We’ll get better.” He’ll be referring to the Yankees.
TOPIC 4: HOW DID YOU HELP THE BEARS GET READY FOR THE PACKERS?
Brian Griese and I had a grilled cheese and debated whether Favre’s arm is real or bionic.
First I said, “Don’t ‘Pack’ it in.” Then I promised a bad pun every week until they win.
I avoided the colors green and yellow, which is to say I didn’t open any of Brian’s used tissues.
I didn’t predict they’d lose, like I did in this spot last week when I said the Cubs would get swept.
I text messaged Brian Griese. It said, “If U dnt ply gd tnght I wll end ur life.”
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S WITH ALL THE UPSETS IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL?
It makes sense, and what’s crazy is most of those teams are better than the Bears.
Northwestern, Stanford and Notre Dame won. It’s Mr. T’s “Pity the Fool” Day.
Destiny has decided to be a complete jerk and smile on Ohio State.
The big-time players are taking it easy so they don’t get drafted by the Bears at No. 1.
College kids are unfocused, so it’s hard to predict behavior. Women and keggers don’t help.
