The Bears won, and fans are filled with a renewed sense of optimism. Hmm, let us take care of that. Silly optimism. Sign up redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Scott Kleinberg
TOPIC 1: WHAT’S YOUR FEELING ABOUT THE BEARS?
I feel like an idiot for my preseason prediction, and I said they’d go 8-8.
I only discuss those kinds of feelings during therapy. Electroshock therapy.
They’re like a shot to the heart — thankfully delivered with more accuracy than a McNabb pass.
If they only had a running game, I might take them seriously.
I like that they shut up the Philadelphia fans — they needed that.
TOPIC 2: TOM BRADY SCORED SO OFTEN ON SUNDAY THAT …
… every member of the
Dolphins’ defense is suing him for child support.
… Boston fans forgot all about Game 7.
… even Ron Jeremy felt a little self-conscious.
… he could field his own team from the offspring he’s produced from actresses he dumped.
… the Redskins already have lost next week’s game.
TOPIC 3: THE NBA PUNISHED SIX REFS AFTER A GAMBLING INVESTIGATION. WHAT DID THEY FIND?
There is no place in the NBA for “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”
That somehow the refs still managed to cover the spread.
“Lunch with Fat Tony” circled on all of their calendars.
The gambling they can live with, but the offenders weren’t wearing the NBA-sanctioned Nike gear.
Six NBA refs sitting at a table betting on their punishment.
TOPIC 4: THE RIVERMEN HOSTED THE WOLVES ON SUNDAY. TELL US SOMETHING YOU KNOW ABOUT PEORIA.
The Cubs’ minor-leaguers learn how to be mediocre there.
There’s a saying about a “Little Old Lady from Peoria.” There’s a Cubs team there. Do the math.
It hasn’t left me dangerously close to bankruptcy, which is more than I can say for Vegas.
The drive down Interstate 55 to there smells only a little less than the drive down I-65 to Indy.
It’s in Illinois, and that, my friends, is all I know about Peoria.
TOPIC 5: IS THERE ANY COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM THAT DOESN’T BELONG IN its TOP-25 SPOT?
Michigan. You lose to a D-2 school and another 38-7 at home and nothing can make up for it.
I thought B.C. at No. 2 was British Columbia’s ranking in the CFL.
Doors open on the left, Penn State.
Hawaii. Foreign colleges shouldn’t be eligible.
Where I’m from, West Virginia doesn’t belong in the top anything.
