That feeling that you’re feeling. It’s not the remnants of a hangover — that’s Five on Five withdrawal. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Tracy Swartz
Scott Kleinberg
Bag Dog
TOPIC 1: WE ASKED THE PANELISTS TO MAKE A PREDICTION ABOUT THE ROSE BOWL.
As a result of this game the Rose Bowl will adopt a slaughter rule — and a no-Illinois rule.
Illinois will get bombed back to 2008 B.C. during the time of the Trojans.
The Trojans could use some added protection against Capt. Zook.
Illinois will come out smelling sweet — well, in a way.
If you sing USC’s praises, are you Pete Carroll-ing?
TOPIC 2: WHAT WILL TUESDAY’S GAME MEAN TO ILLINOIS’ FUTURE?
It will enhance Illinois’ ability to recruit great players willing to be humiliated.
They’ll use the Rose Bowl goodie bags to make more attractive recruiting bribes.
Focus now shifts to the CTA feud. Are you there Rod? It’s me, Tracy.
From the 2038 “SportsCenter” broadcast: “Illinois hasn’t been in the Rose Bowl in 30 years.”
I refuse to comment. They give underdogs a bad name.
TOPIC 3: WHO WOULD BUY MICHAEL VICK’S DOGFIGHTING HOUSE FOR $1.1 MILLION?
Considering my request to get my money back.
Saying “Lovie Smith is our head coach” in the mirror over and over again.
Cutting out Cathy comic strips to help him with his weighty decisions.
Reading the previous three questions in Five on Five.
Making all his halftime-adjustments for 2008 and setting them in stone.
TOPIC 5: ARE THE BULLS BETTER UNDER JIM BOYLAN?
Why, did they get Kobe and nobody told me?
Yes. Would they have started better than Skiles did with a chimp as coach? Also yes.
Is anyone better under Jim Boylan?
Better? No. Just more confused.
Well, benching Ben Gordon worked. Too bad you can’t bench an entire team, pal!
