Scottie Pippen, I really do love you. But you are nothing more than the best No. 2 there ever was.
Yeah, that’s right. I heard you were interested in coaching the Bulls.
I think we can forget that.
No offense; none taken. Scottie, really, I’m thinking you would not be remembered quite as fondly in this town if you didn’t have someone named Jordan to back you up. So, thanks but no thanks with your offer to coach the Bulls.
I have to say, though, it would be really fun to see you throw a chair again. That might be worth it.
In fact, given your status as a solid No. 2, maybe you should be an assistant coach. That would be easier for everyone.
That way, Jim Boylan can remain the head coach. I have to say, I like this guy. I know it’s early — but aside from hiring anyone of 50 NBA retreads, he’s our best bet. Give him the job next year.
Speaking of next year. Can’t wait to see the Bears — or what’s left of them.
Here’s to a subpar team returning without Lance Briggs. See you, Lance. You were only the best linebacker in the league this season. We’ll miss you.
That’s OK, though, because we have Brian “I’m living in denial” Urlacher returning with a questionable back. Fine. Let’s move him to either outside linebacker spot — no, wait, here’s a better idea — we move him to safety. Lord knows, we need one of those too.
Oh, we’re drafting 14th by the way. That’s just perfect. Not good enough to get that real stud — that real difference maker — someone like Darren McFadden, or a quarterback, or somebody.
News flash: The Cleveland Browns want a No. 1 pick for quarterback Derek Anderson.
News flash: Flash this Browns. You’re getting a second-rounder, and you’ll like it.
Here’s another brilliant idea: Let’s hire Mike Martz to run the offense. We need another mad scientist; we haven’t had one since Gary Crowton. Call it a hunch, but I think he’d figure a way to get it to Devin Hester, oh, 40 times a game. Just saying.
I’m also just saying. Thanks to the Illini for kicking off ’08 in proper form. Look, you guys don’t go to a bowl often, so when you do — could you not let the other team get 40 points? Please and thank you.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
