1. Yeah? And?
“The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex,” Clay Aiken says in a new interview. “To me, bars are what hell is like.” Asked to respond, Satan pulled Aiken’s music off hell’s PA system long enough to say “Wrong.”
2. What’s it gonna be?
British pop singer Kate Nash is being hailed by some as the next Lily Allen — or, if she starts to resemble Skeletor, the next Amy Winehouse.
3. To the extreme
It pains me to write this, but “American Gladiators” is getting a little flat. We need more grueling events. Like maybe make the guys run through a maze of monitors showing “27 Dresses.”
4. Hello, Mr. Whiskers
John Stamos continues his transformation from “Full House” star to “prep school-educated lumberjack.”
5. Gone unnoticed
For the second straight year, the State of the Union address failed to address the “Rambo” sequel. For shame.
6. Imagine!
The Lego turned 50 on Monday. Children all over the world shrugged and went back to playing Wii Tennis.
7. Discomfort level
Striking writers agreed to make an exception for the Grammys. America will sleep better knowing it can look forward to a night of stilted banter and awkward jokes.
8. Plot twist
“Zoey 101” is back on TV with Jamie Lynn Spears. But given what’s been happening with Jamie Lynn and her family, Nickelodeon is considering a title change to “Desperate High Schoolers.”
9. Old faithful
Apparently hoping to create “The Bucket List” with guitars, Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin says he wants the band to go on a world tour. The Rolling Stones have generously offered their supply of Viagra.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
