Funny that RedEye should bring up sleep. We have our scheduled naps around the time we’re supposed to write Five on Five. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Brian Moore
Scott Kleinberg
TOPIC 1: THE BULLS LOST TO LEBRON SUNDAY. HOW CAN THEY WIN THE REMATCH THURSDAY?
Take a 40-point lead so they can win by two.
Start up rumors of his trade to the Bulls. He’d tank that game so fast …
They need to harken back to the Jordan era and convince LeBron to pursue baseball.
Every player grows a Drew Gooden beard. The confused Cavs won’t know whom to guard.
Trade and get him here by Thursday.
TOPIC 2: A BROKEN FINGER AND A CLUBHOUSE SPAT — ALREADY. WHAT’S WITH THE CUBS?
You really have to ask?
Could they be in midseason form already? And look, Zambrano has left a trail of bodies.
They prefer to settle differences “Real World”-style, without the drunkenness and nudity.
See, there’s this thing called the Cubs curse. I’m surprised you haven’t heard about it.
They’ve got to turn attention away from their otherwise crappy team.
TOPIC 3: WHY DID THE BEARS KEEP LANCE BRIGGS AND SAY GOODBYE TO BERNARD BERRIAN?
Great LBs don’t grow on trees. Berrian is the next MartyBooker.
If only Berrian had embarrassed the Bears and made a spectacle of himself. Live and learn.
Because defense wins
regular-season games
against Detroit.
Offense? The Bears don’t need no stinking offense.
Because folks kept spelling
Berrian wrong on his jersey, so it was either him or the jersey maker.
TOPIC 4: TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT THE RUSH OPENER AGAINST THE SAN JOSE SABERCATS.
It’s as important to me as the Chicago Sky opener.
As part of a marketing ploy for “10,000 B.C.,” the Rush will be eaten by actual sabercats.
The field is smaller, but there’s a lot of scoring. Basically you can expect Big City Tap.
If it never happens, I’ll never know.
Two people will know the outcome of the game the following day.
TOPIC 5: NFL PROSPECT SAM KELLER ADMITS HAVING MILEY CYRUS ON HIS IPOD. WHAT’S ON YOURS?
Nothing but Shaun Cassidy, Rick Springfield
and Ted Nugent.
Kanye, Fall Out Boy, Fergie … I mean … Blergie. Um, this indie band, you don’t know ’em.
Roger Clemens’ new audiobook, “The Audacity of Doping.”
Buckethead. Best music you’ve never heard, but you wouldn’t get it anyway.
Phil singing “Wind Beneath My Wings” at a karaoke bar. He’s not that bad, actually.
