Our panelists are ready to “spring forward” on Sunday. If only they could “spring” for some better answers. Sign up for the fun at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: WHAT IS A SPLIT SQUAD GAME?
Scott Kleinberg: Ummmm, that’s not something we can print in family-friendly RedEye!
Phillip Thompson: That’s my new rap group, Split Squad. And best believe we got game, fasho.
Leo Ebersole: Coaches invite a local ax murderer to divide the roster into two teams.
Tracy Swartz: A Scrabble game between cheerleaders. “Go” and “fight” are typical word play.
Brian Moore: A ploy only Chicago teams use. If they play twice on the same day, the better the chances for victory.
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S YOUR RALLYING CRY FOR THE CUBS OR WHITE SOX THIS SEASON?
Scott Kleinberg: Boo-hoo!
Phillip Thompson: “A century of tradition, your Chicago Cubs.”
Leo Ebersole: “White Sox baseball — if no one’s paying attention to us, we’re bound to surprise, right?”
Tracy Swartz: Well, “waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” seems to be a popular cry. Tears of shame.
Brian Moore: (Closes eyes and crosses fingers.) Please don’t suck, please don’t suck!
TOPIC 3: WHICH LONG-SHOT ARE YOU ROOTING FOR TO WIN A SPOT ON THE CUBS OR SOX ROSTER?
Scott Kleinberg: I’d like to see Barry Bonds in a Cubs uniform.
Phillip Thompson: Sox reliever Joe Winkelsas … of the Boston Winkelsases, I presume.
Leo Ebersole: I’m hoping the Cubs take advantage of being in Arizona and trade for Shaq.
Tracy Swartz: Gov. Blagojevich could use his charm for Cubs good luck. Or alienate the players. Whatev.
Brian Moore: Rex Grossman. He can’t play football, so he must be a baseball player, right?
TOPIC 4: CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK IS HERE. HOW DID YOU GET PREPARED?
Scott Kleinberg: Eating lots of Wheaties. Breakfast of Championships. Wrong? What?
Phillip Thompson: I’ve been dunking baskets. Leo has been dunking doughnuts.
Leo Ebersole: Shopping for a purple blazer to show my support for the ‘Cats. And if they lose, for 1980s Prince.
Tracy Swartz: Sweet tea, spray tan and fumbling to recall the night before reminded me of Florida.
Brian Moore: I’ve got a case of ear plugs on hand. Too much Dick Vitale can ruin your hearing.
TOPIC 5: ON SUNDAY, CLOCKS MOVE AHEAD ONE HOUR. HOW WOULD THIS HELP CHICAGO SPORTS?
Scott Kleinberg: It will be one hour closer to the end of basketball season. Woo-hoo!!
Phillip Thompson: Spring forward? Sorry, the Sox only move backward in spring.
Leo Ebersole: The Bears inch ever closer to having a QB crisis.
Tracy Swartz: Time isn’t an issue for the Bulls, who will fall back into old patterns.
Brian Moore: It gets you that much closer to your postgame beer — into which you cry for Chicago sports.
