Rahula Strohl
Tracy Swartz
Jimmy Greenfield
Leo Ebersole
Phillip Thompson
TOPIC 1: HOW DOES A PLAYER OR MANAGER KNOW WHEN IT’S THE RIGHT TIME TO START A BRAWL?
Just ask Michael Barrett.
When the brawl’s in their court.
When the mitt hits a fan.
The Lakers schedule brawls around their manicures. That way, they can risk chipping a nail.
When the other manager’s defensive signal looks like he’s sending you “offensive” signals.
TOPIC 2: WHAT MAKES THE BEARS’ ROBBIE GOULD WORTHY OF BEING THE NFL’S HIGHEST PAID KICKER?
He doesn’t own a Lamborghini or a boat.
Everyone knows NFL players are a bunch of Gould-digging bores.
He’s box-office gold. At least he was when he starred as Frodo in “Lord of the Rings.”
Until there’s a Robbie Platinum, he has the priciest name.
It’s based on a points system — as in he makes up most of the Bears’ points.
TOPIC 3: HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A COLLEGE ATHLETE IS GETTING SPECIAL PERKS?
Special college perks. … Isn’t that the latest “Girls Gone Wild” title?
Depends how they make out. He may act casually if the hookup wasn’t major.
They’re driving a Maserati yet can’t spell “special perks.”
Look for the letters “O,” “S” and “U” on his jersey.
If the term papers they buy have their own rewards program.
TOPIC 4: WHICH CHICAGO ATHLETE HAS A FUTURE AS A LATE-NIGHT HOST?
Does Mr. T count? ‘Cause yeah, him.
The entire Bears team is a joke, and they’re used to the heckling.
I would pay big money to see “The Kirk Hinrich Show” with Joe Crede as his lovable sidekick.
“Live, from the shoulder of some expressway, it’s the Lance Briggs Show!”
Kerry Wood? That’s what she said! I tell ya the jokes will write themselves.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S ONE THING YOU HOPE TO SEE IN THE MIKE TYSON DOCUMENTARY?
What seasonings go best with Evander Holyfield’s ear.
It’s not for my ears. I hope the jockumentary doesn’t hit below the belt.
The final credits.
Tyson and Marv Albert comparing biting techniques.
I’m waiting for the DVD extras, including his list of children’s recipes.
