Whatever reactions a football team hopes to elicit when it takes to the field — fear, respect, awe? — laughter and ridicule likely are not among them.
But when the Seattle Seahawks debuted their eye-popping alternative jerseys in a 25-19 loss to the Bears on Sunday, it was immediately clear how unwise it is for football players to wear clothing the color of Kool-Aid.
As a public service to sports teams considering a uniform change, here’s some advice on what not to wear:
* If it’s a shade you can picture Richard Simmons wearing in “Sweatin’ to the Oldies,” pick a different one.
* Never choose a color popularized by a children’s cable TV channel (Nickelodeon slime).
* Don’t wear clothing that invites comparisons with a flying Disney character (Buzz Lightyear of “Toy Story”).
* Consider how the uniform will play in social medialand. (Twitter commentators’ take on the Seahawks: “no wonder they lost” … “makes me want to vomit” … “belongs in Arena football” … “look like crossing guards”… “lime Popsicles” … “my eyes are burning.”)
* Avoid a color forever linked to a Muppet. Or, at the very least, remember Kermit’s classic lyric: “It’s not easy being green.”
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ewarren@tribune.com
