Dear Amy: I own a duplex. The other side of my duplex is owned by a single woman. We have lived alongside each other for 10 years with absolutely no problems. We are good neighbors but not intimate friends.
The problem is that recently a man has come into my neighbor’s life, and, because our bedrooms share a wall, I can hear them when they make love.
The headboard hits the wall, and so I feel like I am eavesdropping on everything they do!
I go to bed fairly early, and they arrive home at midnight, and then the noise starts. I’ve had three hours of sleep or so when I am awakened, and then I am up for the rest of the night!
It’s strange, but I am the one embarrassed by this!
My daughter says I absolutely cannot tell my neighbor that I hear her, and I agree. I would die of embarrassment, as, I’m sure, would she! Can you think of any solution?
— Sleepless in Seattle
Dear Sleepless: Because you’re not willing to say anything to your neighbor, your options run along these lines:
1. You could move.
2. You could sync your sex schedule to your neighbor’s.
Given that these two choices probably don’t appeal to you, you should put yourself in your neighbor’s position (figuratively, anyway).
If you were creating a disturbance of this nature, wouldn’t you want to know?
Sure you would. Would you be embarrassed? Momentarily.
You could spare an extended mutual embarrassment by steeling yourself to say, “Hey, neighbor, sometimes I can hear you and your boyfriend at night. Do you think you could move your bed — or at least pull it away from the wall?”
Dear Amy: I am a college student and currently in a long-term relationship with a wonderful guy who is a classmate.
My boyfriend pays for the majority of our dates. I always offer to split the bill or to take turns paying. He has always refused.
I try once or twice a month to specifically designate a date that I will be treating him to, even though my boyfriend will still offer to pay.
This recently came up in a conversation with my dad. Dad seemed shocked and surprised. My father said I need to contribute more financially to the relationship.
However, I spoke with my boyfriend and he said he enjoys paying. He said I should keep the money from my part-time job for school and personal expenses. My boyfriend and I discussed this and feel that this is a simple case of different couples approaching their finances differently.
What can I tell my dad?
Is letting a boyfriend pay for dates considered improper? If so, what should I do?
— Melissa
Dear Melissa: Your father might be nervous that you will be financially beholden to your boyfriend if you let him pick up the tab. You should ask your dad to explain his objection.
There is no one “proper” way to divvy up expenses between couples. This is your business and, aside from thanking your lucky stars to find yourself dating “Mr. I-like-to-pick-up-the-tab” (I thought he was a mythical creature!), you should relax.
If this makes you uncomfortable, however, your boyfriend should respect your wish to be “Ms. I-like-to-pick-up-the-tab-too.”
Dear Amy: “Cranky Coach” wanted to be thanked for service as a volunteer coach.
I started coaching when my son was 8 years old. Now I have the privilege of coaching my granddaughter’s softball team. My son (who is 45) coaches three sports.
Coaches I have known do not expect thanks; we do it for the enjoyment of being with the kids and the privilege of teaching them the rules, skills and joy of playing sports.
The payment for us is the ability to stay “young at heart” and remember when other adults volunteered their time to teach us about teamwork.
I feel empathy for Cranky because he doesn’t seem to realize this isn’t about him; it’s about the kids.
I coached kids several decades ago who still call me “Coach.”
— Proud Coach
Dear Proud: “Cranky Coach” was burned out. I suggested he bench himself for a season or two.
