Dear Amy: I am an eighth-grade girl.
Today at school a boy who likes me asked me out in front of all his friends and my friends.
I said yes to be polite. Then after everybody left, I pulled him aside and told him privately that I only like him as a friend and that was it.
His face and eyes got red.
Later, everybody started saying I was mean and shouldn’t have done that.
Then I got nasty e-mails from my friend “Sherrie.”
She said that really crushed him and went on and on about how rude I was.
My mom helped me respond politely, but now I feel terrible. He won’t talk to me anymore, and Sherrie is mad at me.
Am I the bad guy?
— Sorry
Dear Sorry: You aren’t the bad guy, but your guy friend is embarrassed and you are being blamed for his embarrassment.
He should not have asked you out in front of other people, but he’s young (so are you). It’s a rookie mistake — the sort of thing brought on by too many “High School Musical” viewings.
In the movies, public declarations seem to work out, while in real life people are complicated, unpredictable, and events don’t follow the script.
You were correct not to embarrass this friend in front of other people. Now you need to keep quiet about the whole episode.
If you maintain a calm and serene attitude, this will blow over.
Dear Amy: Once a year I host a family reunion for my five children, their spouses and my seven grandchildren.
I pay for all expenses, including travel.
One of my daughters remarried last year and her spouse has a teenage daughter who is not a member of their household (except for every other weekend).
They have indicated that they would like to bring the daughter to the family reunion.
I have no problem with her coming, but my question is — should I be expected to pay for the expenses of her coming?
This is a cross-country trip, adding a total cost of about $1,500.
They have not offered to pay for her, and I wonder what you think about this?
— Generous Dad
Dear Generous: You should include this new family member in the reunion. You are offering a wonderful opportunity for the entire family to bond and for this teen to get to know her new relatives.
Because this added expense is considerable, if you can’t afford the cost for your step-granddaughter’s trip, you should ask your daughter and her husband if they could help foot the bill this year.
You sound like a generous person. It’s hard to think of a near-stranger as a family member, but she is. I hope you’ll extend your generosity in her direction.
Dear Amy: In response to “Sad Wife,” whose husband doesn’t want to discuss serious issues (like having children), I have a suggestion.
My husband also refused to talk about having kids.
After we had been married about a year, I finally told him that in the absence of any mutually agreed-upon plan (because he never wanted to discuss it “now”), I would go off the pill in six months.
I kept reminding him of my decision and asking if he wanted to talk about it. He never did.
Finally, one morning I told him I was off the pill. He said, “I feel like you are pushing me into this.”
I said, “You wouldn’t discuss a plan, so I made one of my own. I’m happy to discuss it with you if you are ready.”
He finally decided to talk about it — and we decided on a plan together.
My husband’s refusal to talk about things like this was a control issue. As soon as talking was more likely to lead to the outcome he wanted than not talking, he found time to discuss the issue.
We are still married, by the way, and have two great kids we both adore.
Sometimes you have to find a way to make the issue as important to him as it is to you.
— Seattle Mom
Dear Mom: I agree.
