Everybody’s favorite drunken pop star typhoon whirls her way into Chicago on Thursday. That’s right, Ke$ha has arrived, hitting the House of Blues for her Get $leazy tour show, and Enclave for an after-party. Given the wild antics in her songs, we’re sure the city can show Ke$ha a great time. In the spirit of $leazy, RedEye creates a liquor-stained day planner for Ke$ha based off of her song lyrics.
11:30 a.m.: Wake up naked in a bathtub with an unknown Midwesterner.
11:30:30 a.m.: Brush teeth with bottle of Jack, make out with unknown Midwesterner—as long as he looks like Mick Jagger.
Noon: Eat a boy up for lunch, “Cannibal”-style. Hmm, on second thought, Soupbox on Chicago Avenue sounds much better.
1 p.m.: Go boot shopping on Michigan Avenue. It’s also a great place to pick up boys—after all, I’ve got quite the collection of both.
3 p.m.: Time for a pedicure on my toes, toes and trying on all my clothes, clothes for tonight’s shows. I’m gonna need at least eight outfits for tonight, but only ONE ratty hairdo.
5 p.m.: Take a break from shopping for more Jack. Most of these downtown bars are too classy, so I’ll need to hunt for a dive bar to get my grunge on.
7 p.m.: Dinner time! A nice, juicy piece of red meat is the only way to start off this night—good thing there are tons of steakhouses in River North.
9 p.m.: Hit the stage at House of Blues. Yaaaaaawn, don’t only old people hang out here?
11 p.m.: Finally done with that show! Time to hit up a party at a rich dude’s house—they don’t call it the Gold Coast for nothing.
1 a.m.: Show up fashionably late at Enclave. The party can start now that I’ve walked in.
4:30 a.m.: Police shut us down.
