It’s never just about the stuff.
The clutter in our lives, whether cloistered in closets or clogging our calendars, is masking other issues, says Mary Carlomagno in her book “Live More, Want Less: 52 Ways to Find Order in Your Life” (Storey Publishing, $12.95).
Carlomagno, a self-confessed former shopping addict, left the publishing industry in 2004 to start an organizing business, order. (orderperiod.com), and frequently writes and speaks on the topic. She lives in Hoboken, N.J. in a two-bedroom apartment with her husband, toddler and baby. “Live More, Want Less” is her third book.
Carlomagno posits that dealing with household clutter leads us to illuminate and examine larger questions.
Q:
How can decluttering change your life?
A:
De-emphasizing acquisition will change your life. If you’re buying and then returning items, you didn’t need the stuff in the first place. Maybe you were looking for a way to fill your time. We avoid issues in our lives by having stuff, because it fills time.
Even if you’re superorganized, you might be just shuffling stuff around, rather than (doing something worthwhile such as) spending time with friends. When you stop acquiring, you’re left with introspection. That can be uncomfortable. When we build chaos around us, through clutter, shopping or activity addiction, we don’t have to think about ourselves. You look at yourself through the lens of your stuff.
Q:
How do you break out of the “busier than thou” mindset?
A:
We confuse being busy with being important. Look at the quality of your events and activities. Thoreau said, “It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?” Facebook is a way to toot your own horn while seeking reassurance from others. Busy doesn’t equate to meaningful. We can fill up our days with minutiae.
Q:
What about switching from a life of mindlessly implementing, to a life of thoughtful strategy?
A:
First, slow down. Engage in forethought. We often take things on without thinking about them. Make a list at day’s end, and see how you spent your time. Evaluate the tasks you do every day. Resist the inclination to add more. Instead evaluate, and make sure it’s meaningful to you.
Q:
What about simplifying family schedules?
A:
Find the most meaningful activities, and do the most with them. Choose quality over quantity. We can’t be in three places at once, and it starts to negate the quality of everything. Give up the multitasking schedule! We can overacquire events, just as we overacquire stuff.
Q:
Some clutter seems to hold meaning. How can we possibly toss items left to us by beloved relatives?
A:
People place the emotion of the relationship onto the items, but the stuff has little to do with your relationship with the person. You feel compelled to match your love for the person with how many of her items you keep. Be selective! I’m working with a client who has all the bulky hand-knit items from the ’70s that her mother made, but no room. She could keep one or two, and make them into a useful blanket or pillow, rather than trying to stuff all these big things into a closet. Or, take a photo of them and then let them all go.
Q:
How do you bring simplicity to parenting?
A:
My (2-year-old) son wants everything in Babies R Us; I want everything in Bloomingdale’s. Start early with the idea of being Spartan, of not having too much. Think of how you want your space. We keep extremely tidy here (and so now) my son likes to clean up. I limit things. I rotate toys in and out. Make toys less about acquisition and more about creating art. With parenting, we fall into the trap of feeling we have to measure up to others.
Q:
Gossip is an old-fashioned word for a contemporary pastime. What’s to gain by resisting the siren song of the gossip game?
A:
It’s the worst kind of distracting clutter. All that activity, the Kardashians or the housewives or the survivors, is a waste of mental energy and gives nothing back. It’s counterproductive to good work we could be doing.
