Dear Lauren,
There are rumblings in Brunch Land that you don’t appreciate the bloody mary. Why? Do you not appreciate history? Tomatoes?
“I not only love the bloody mary I seek out good bloody marys,” City Provisions owner Cleetus Friedman told me, not long after I tried his $13 take, which had a garnish skewer lined with more meat than a Lincoln Avenue bar.
“But they are either great or they suck,” he added — which is a nice way of saying a smart bloody mary is not too boozy, soupy, watery, spicy or thick and yet, the best bloodys risk failing and take a chance at offending the delicate sensibilities of brunch customers. But you don’t want to drink a one-note bloody — which, I suspect, is your problem with the drink. Few reveal anything new after a sip.
But did you know the bloody mary was possibly invented in Paris (Harry’s New York Bar, in the 1920s), named perhaps for a Chicago waitress at the long-gone Bucket of Blood saloon at 19th Street and Federal? The history is murky, but one thing remains unchanged: It was a drink born in the Great Depression, and it’s not a bad option during a Big Recession, the drink that eats like a meal.
Anyway, meet me for a bloody mary. I will show you that the bloody, made with the right spirit, is an odd boozy ecosystem unto itself.
Sincerely, Chris
Dear Chris,
Everyone knows that a bloody mary is a glorified V8 and vodka — that least relevant, most annoying of spirits — masquerading as a so-called hangover cure, which entitles its enthusiasts to resume drinking as soon as they come to from the prior night’s train wreck. Which is tacky. More to the point: Drinking tomato juice is disgusting. Freshly sliced tomatoes served with buffalo mozzarella and basil, drizzled with balsamic?
Delicious. A cup of Campbell’s tomato soup and a crispy wedge of grilled cheese on rye? Perfect. But willingly drinking a pint of grain neutral spirit watered down with poor-man’s gazpacho is just about the worst idea I’ve ever heard. And the fact that bloody marys are available on just about every brunch menu on Earth lends the drink about as much panache as a corn dog.
Give me a well balanced cocktail, not just a bloody mary — one capable of weighing citrus against spice, sweet against bite, all of it preferably steeped in gin and garnished with care — and I might venture beyond that first gag-inducing sip.
There are good drink-makers in this town; surely there are good bloody marys. Try and try again, past run-ins with watered-down alcoholic tomato paste have left me woozy and worse for wear, occasionally so bad that even mimosas can’t mend. But for you, Chris, I’ll get back on that horse, so long as the horseradish is balanced accordingly.
Sincerely, Lauren
Let the skirmishing begin
First stop:
Vincent
1475 W. Balmoral Ave., 773-334-7168
;
We sampled:
Ketel One vodka-based bloody mary
made with sambal Indonesian spice, cayenne pepper, lime juice, Worcestershire sauce and horseradish ($8); with optional supergarnish ($12), including the Cheesemonger (cheese plate), the Hollander (pickled vegetables), the Zeelander (jumbo shrimp), the Bloody Ear (fried pig’s ear) and the Matchbox (vegetables).
L.V.:
(
Looking at Zeelander garnish.
) That’s going to tip over, Flintstones-style. (Takes sip.) Pretty strong! Definitely, I can taste the pepper. I appreciate the metal straw, but I don’t like the drink. I don’t like bloody marys, and now we have five of them in front of us.
C.B.:
What don’t you like about this? Look at this.
L.V.:
Everything. I don’t like everything.
C.B.:
I don’t like the metal straw.
L.V.:
The garnish is top-heavy. I could never finish any of these. It’s like soup. But if I would have one I would have this cheese one. It has mustard, homemade jam with bread — it’s really good. With great cheese. The best deal for sure.
C.B.:
The only thing I don’t like is that there’s more vodka in these than I like … a weird thing to complain about, but …
L.V.:
That’s the first thing I noticed. And I like my wasabi on sushi, but a lot of people put wasabi in bloody marys.
C.B.:
I think what you don’t like about these is what I like: I like the bite of wasabi, I like the thickness of these.
L.V.:
I’ll give you this: No one else in Chicago is doing bloody marys like this. You can get cheese everywhere, sausage — but pickled okra, pig’s ear, a cheese spread that big and good? No one else is doing this.
Next stop:
Small Bar
2049 W. Division St., 773-772-2727
;
We sampled: Four different bases ($9):
Classic
(Smirnoff vodka),
ginger-jalapeno-infused
Smirnoff, smoke-infused Death’s Door White Whiskey and
New Holland Hatter Royale Hopquila
; all garnished with lemon, lime and olive, served with Two Brothers Domaine DuPage.
L.V.:
They all look exactly the same.
C.B.:
The garnishes are the same too.
L.V.:
(Takes sip of the classic.) To me, that just tastes like a well-made bloody mary.
C.B.:
And I like this one less than Vincent’s.
L.V.:
Because you like all that (stuff) in yours. (To waitress.) What kind of beer comes with this?
Waitress: Two Brothers.
C.B.:
Do you like the shot of beer that comes with bloody marys? I’m not a fan. I don’t want beer with French toast.
L.V.:
Oh, I like this. The ginger-infused one. It’s a little different but not too intense. You won’t like it.
C.B.:
Eww. No, I don’t. It reminds me of a swimming pool for some reason. Like, chlorine.
L.V.:
We are developing a theory here, I think. There are two kinds of bloody mary drinkers: those who want a ton of spice and weird flavors to make things complicated, and those who appreciate the kind of classic flavor done well.
C.B.:
But the classic should have a little grit, some seeds or stray pulp or something.
L.V.:
A little, but look, I’m easing into this. (Takes a sip.) Oh, I really like this one too. It’s made with Hopquila, which is a kind of spirit with beer, with hops. Oh, I like this the best.
C.B.:
I do too. Because I like the Hopquila. But the bloody mary itself isn’t that interesting.
Last stop:
Bangers & Lace
1670 W. Division St.; 773-252 6499;
.
We sampled: Three on offer ($8):
House Bloody
with Death’s Door vodka or gin, garnished with celery;
Meat & Potato
with Luksosowa Potato Vodka, veal demi-glace and beef jerky garnish;
Hawaiian with vodka
, pineapple juice and Schlenkerla Rauchbier (bacon beer), garnished with ground red pepper.
L.V.:
(
Takes a sip of the Hawaiian.
) Oh, interesting.
C.B.:
It’s spotted with crushed pepper and chilies and has a smoked beer in it. (
Takes a sip.
) And I love this. It’s a lot of different tastes without it all feeling mushed. It’s the kind of drink I would normally order and not really taste every ingredient that’s listed, but I taste everything here. The pineapple juice is bright, the smokiness in the beer.
L.V.:
(
Sips the Meat & Potato bloody mary.
) And I like this one too. It tastes rich. It’s interesting. That’s the word at this place — interesting. This has potato vodka, with a house mix of veal demi-glace and … that’s a beef jerky garnish.
C.B.:
What’s nice is both drinks taste completely different, which isn’t something we’ve really come across or seen yet.
L.V.:
(
Tries the house bloody mary.
) And that’s good too. But it doesn’t have any clever stuff going for it.
C.B.:
I like it though. Spicy, kind of standard, but smart. Tastes very classic, though no, there’s not really a twist.
L.V.:
Here’s an argument: Do you order a bloody mary because it comes with a cheese plate? Or because it’s good?
C.B.:
I don’t have a problem seeing this as a meal. I encourage that. (
Takes a bite of beef jerky.
)
L.V.:
And I still don’t think I like them. But I do like these.
