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Chris Sosa: Take it to dinner. Even if it doesn’t work, his taste buds and stomach will be satisfied. |
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Matt Pais: Rub your hands together super-fast and apply heat. Advice from a “Mr.” isn’t much different than a “Dr.” |
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Bill Arnett: Hot shower, ice pack, three Advil. This is nothing I want to joke about. |
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Kat Velez: The only returns he should be running are ones to get a fresh ice pack out of the freezer. |
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Sarah Kustok: Despite dropping his endorsements, maybe he can call on Red Bull and Under Armour to work some magic. |
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Chris Sosa: He played the over on the Kardashian-Humphries divorce. If only they had set the number at 80 days. |
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Matt Pais: Who? Oh, you mean the people who put 9,000-to-1 odds on Lovie ever displaying emotion like a human. |
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Bill Arnett: You get the bookies first. Then you get the power. Then you get the women. |
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Kat Velez: They doubt the power of his poker face. |
| Sarah Kustok: No clue, seeing as the Bears play better as the underdog. |
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Chris Sosa: “Why hasn’t Kristin Cavallari tweeted about MY assets?” |
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Matt Pais: “Perhaps that guy from ‘Tower Heist’ can help me steal it. Alan Alda, not Eddie Murphy.” |
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Bill Arnett: Which team he and Matt Forte should play for next year. |
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Kat Velez: Not sure, but his people had better lock up his cars, just in case. |
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Sarah Kustok: Briggs? More important, what was Forte thinking?! Pay da man! |
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Chris Sosa: … the Cubs will be relieved he didn’t sign with St. Louis. Cuz they’d be screwed if they did. |
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Matt Pais: Hey, it’s the Miami Marlins. It’s a big change, and it totally matters. Get it right. |
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Bill Arnett: … he’ll rekindle his forbidden love affair with Ozzie. It’ll be a Lifetime movie in 2012. |
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Kat Velez: … the first thing he’ll do is ask if he can go hunting in the Everglades. |
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Sarah Kustok: … Comcast SportsNet’s Chuck Garfien may temporarily relocate to South Beach. |
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Chris Sosa: He thought it was copies of the Justin Bieber Christmas album. |
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Matt Pais: That sort of thing just doesn’t go over well at the zoo. Irritates the giraffes. |
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Bill Arnett: He’s doing everything he can to avoid fighting Manny Pacquiao. |
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Kat Velez: Because he’s an idiot. No jokes from me on this one, since Floyd Mayweather Jr. IS the joke. |
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Sarah Kustok: Still trying to figure out how to “make it rain.” |
