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Leo Ebersole: The first priority on Christmas Day is figuring out why Mike Tyson’s tiger is in my hotel suite. |
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Stick Figure: I got a stuffed bear that I love. And I’m not talking about Lovie. |
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Sarah Spain: The Bulls. They’re like a newborn child, full of hope. The Bears are in hospice. |
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Elliott Serrano: My new Xbox 360 that Santa brought me cuz I was a good boy this year. |
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Marc Silverman: You really have to ask? Bulls gave me a Rose. Bears gave me a lump of coal. |
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Leo Ebersole: David Stern canceled half the NBA season, then bungled the trade of one of its stars. But, c’mon, it’s Penn State. |
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Stick Figure: The Miami Heat. All of them. |
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Sarah Spain: Kobe’s wife, Vanessa. That divorce filing means he’s giving her a $180 million Christmas present. |
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Elliott Serrano: Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan “If I can’t trade for Chris Paul nobody can” Gilbert. |
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Marc Silverman: Jerry Angelo. I asked for gifts. He gave me Sam Hurd, Roy Williams and Marion Barber. |
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Leo Ebersole: Tim Tebow Holy Sweat—and to all an awkward night. |
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Stick Figure: A time machine, so we can go back to January and try to get it right this time. Do-over! |
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Sarah Spain: I would give the Bulls Dwight Howard, though I’m afraid he won’t fit down the chimney. |
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Elliott Serrano: A “Get Out of Federal Prison and on a Plane to Mexico Free Card” for Sam Hurd. |
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Marc Silverman: A championship for the best sports fans in the world. Yes, I’m kissing up to you. |
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Leo Ebersole: “God Rest Ye Merry Baseball Fans.” |
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Stick Figure: “Winter Blunderland.” |
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Sarah Spain: “Jingle Bells, Hanie smells, Barber laid an egg. Hurd sold blow, Bears have no ‘O,’ and the playoffs got away.” |
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Elliott Serrano: “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” |
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Marc Silverman: Sam Hurd singing “let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.” |
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Leo Ebersole: Northwestern destroys Texas A&M. Bonus: Aggies alum Rick Perry learns how to count, albeit by sevens. Go Cats! |
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Stick Figure: If it’s full of pudding, it’ll be over before it gets started. Mmmmmm … |
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Sarah Spain: I predict I won’t watch any bowl games because college football is more corrupt than Illinois politics. |
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Elliott Serrano: Nobody will get any free tattoos. Golf trips, on the other hand … |
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Marc Silverman: I predict I won’t watch. This college bowl thought brought to you by Weed Eater. |
