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Leo Ebersole: A rule change that breaks ties with a whipped cream-eating contest puts Prince Fielder in the driver’s seat. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Some awkward kids are going to be chasing baseballs around like Labradors. |
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Sarah Spain: Chris Berman will yell the word “back” a minimum of eleventy billion times. |
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Elliott Serrano: Just like Adam Dunn, I can’t decide. |
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Marc Silverman: Won’t be as good as Chicago “homer” derby. Youk vs Rizzo. Make it happen. Bearssssss! |
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Leo Ebersole: Because he’s not some mindless conformist who’s gonna play by your rules, strike zone! |
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Ernest Wilkins: He’s all about throwing up L’s for those hitters. |
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Sarah Spain: It’s a mystery, like the Bermuda Triangle, high-waisted pants and the whereabouts of Katie Holmes’ soul. |
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Elliott Serrano: He wants them to be heart healthy, unlike Cubs fans, whom he wants to give a heart attack. |
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Marc Silverman: Because he’s too busy DRIVING Cubs fans crazy. |
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Leo Ebersole: Was Robert Horry not available? |
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Ernest Wilkins: Like so many old men before him, he’s moving to Florida to live out the rest of his life. |
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Sarah Spain: Like single women joining match.com, he’s willing to put pride aside to get that ring. |
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Elliott Serrano: Boston fans have been surprisingly calm about this, like your ex-girlfriend before she burns all your comic books. |
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Marc Silverman: He went MIA on BOS, that SOB! |
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Leo Ebersole: Because he’s so, um, compassionate? |
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Ernest Wilkins: No clue. What, is his name Kobe Clairvo-yant or something? |
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Sarah Spain: He called Miss Cleo and she said it’s all in the cards. |
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Elliott Serrano: He’s assuming the Mayan apocalypse will wipe out half the NBA. |
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Marc Silverman: He kept reading about the Chicago heat and thought LeBron and Wade play for the Bulls now. |
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Leo Ebersole: … prepare to take back a lot of awful things you’ve said about Vancouver. But not the thing about their armpit hair. |
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Ernest Wilkins: … believe it. The Herd and I literally drank 1,000 beers this weekend, so anything is possible. |
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Sarah Spain: … tell him you don’t think Atlanta is looking for a 33-year-old Canadian who’s never played hoops. |
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Elliott Serrano: … should be able to make such an easy joke, but I let this one get by me. |
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Marc Silverman: … ask, “Isn’t he already on the Hawks?” He’s been helping them for years. |
