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Georgia Garvey: It’s an illness exacerbated by acute about-to-get-traded-itis. |
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Julie DiCaro: I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you. |
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Soxman: For Ryan Dempster: trade anxiety. For Jake Peavy: business as usual. |
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Ernest Wilkins: I don’t know, but it sounds hot. |
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Brad Zibung: It means you’re out of commission one day or six weeks. One or the other. |
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Georgia Garvey: It’s the perfect time to help Kaner finally get that obedience school diploma. |
| Julie DiCaro: Sign someone to be Kaner’s permanent chaperone/sponsor. |
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Soxman: Find a way to reacquire the Stanley Cup. When they had that, it was pretty awesome. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Go ‘head and Bollig out of control, man! God, that’s a terrible one. |
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Brad Zibung: I heard the bathroom mats in the Cubs’ spiffy new offices really don’t match the rest of the decor. Hint hint, Theo! |
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Georgia Garvey: Two postgames spent holding LeBron as he sobs in the locker room after a big loss. |
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Julie DiCaro: Two games wearing one of LeBron’s giant headbands. |
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Soxman: Banishment from ever contending for a championship or a lifetime contract with the Chicago Cubs. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Ten minutes in a closet with Charles Oakley. Whoo! Just got chills. |
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Brad Zibung: You have to lose another Finals to a team the rest of the world is cheering for because of how much they hate you. |
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Georgia Garvey: … Roger Clemens doing steroids: It’s only a bad idea if you get caught. |
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Julie DiCaro: How should I know? What are you implying? |
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Soxman: … an instant qualifier for the John McEnroe Sportsman of the Year Award. |
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Ernest Wilkins: … kicking a pigeon. Both visuals make me chuckle. |
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Brad Zibung: … pretty much just that. Kicking a tennis line judge. |
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Georgia Garvey: One misdemeanor arrest per night, minimum. |
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Julie DiCaro: Blood and jazz hands. |
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Soxman: Wicked ear-biting ditties like the Jersey Boys. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Style that is impetuous, defense that is impregnable, and not a lot of kids in the audience. |
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Brad Zibung: Wait. What? That’s not an actual thing, is it? |
