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Frank Holland: “Welcome to Chicago. The winters are much nicer here.” |
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Scott Bolohan’s mom: “Hey, Sheldon! Here’s a big, booming welcome to the best Blackhawk named Brookbank ever.” |
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Clark Jones: “Welcome to Chicago, Sheldon! ignore any drunken misfits—that’s just Patrick Kane.” |
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John Dooley: “No. 1 rule when playing for the Hawks: Don’t touch Q’s stache. Rule No. 2: See Rule No. 1.” |
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Angi Taylor: “Oh, you’re a scrapper? You’ve come to the right place!” |
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Frank Holland: Giving Brian Scalabrine a long-term deal. “White Mamba” is the only good nickname on the team. |
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Scott Bolohan’s mom: Get someone good. |
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Clark Jones: Try to not laugh so hard at the $24 million Houston is giving Omer Asik. |
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John Dooley: Get over the tragic loss of Omer Asik. Somehow. Some way. |
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Angi Taylor: Maybe they can sign Sheldon Brookbank to protect D-Rose on the court? |
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Frank Holland: At least 11 Europeans and one American wearing hipster glasses will get trampled in the Running of the Bulls. |
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Scott Bolohan’s mom: Some teams will win. Some teams will lose. |
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Clark Jones: America will pay attention to about .003 percent of the Olympic Trials. |
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John Dooley: Bayside High finally gets basketball court expansion, boldly moving its court size from 25 feet to 94 feet. |
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Angi Taylor: Michael Phelps’ bong won’t make it through security in London. |
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Frank Holland: Respond via Friendster. He’s that out of touch. |
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Scott Bolohan’s mom: You have to answer it. It is not polite to ignore a request. |
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Clark Jones: Handle it like Rahm Emanuel’s office deals with requests: Ignore it until it’s too late. |
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John Dooley: I’d accept it. Then I’d pre-emptively fire my coach and GM to make him happy. |
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Angi Taylor: Wait a week … he’ll change his mind again. (Nervously takes a swig of Pepsi) |
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Frank Holland: No AC in the dugout, and the beer gets warm if you are in Boston. |
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Scott Bolohan’s mom: It gets really hot and your mother worries about you getting dehydrated. |
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Clark Jones: Extreme heat and 7-Eleven hot dogs do. not. mix. |
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John Dooley: The slow stripping-down of the inevitable Rod Beck look-alike. |
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Angi Taylor: Sweaty balls? |
