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Phil Thompson: Smartphones make the Cubs fans look like they’re doing Conan’s “In The Year 2000” skit. |
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Scott Bolohan: Starlin Castro sorta tries in night games. |
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Clark Jones: Safer commute home for Sox fans at Wrigley. All six of ’em already live on the North Side. |
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John Dooley: Night games bring you closer to sleeping—and forgetting about how bad the Cubs played. |
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Angi Taylor: There is no difference. The d-bags still wear their sunglasses at night. |
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Phil Thompson: He was named to the all-city team until Cubs fans realized they misheard the word “city.” |
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Scott Bolohan: They’re not booing, they’re saying “Marbury v. Madison established judicial revieeeeeeew.” |
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Clark Jones: He tweeted the ending to “Fifty Shades of Grey.” |
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John Dooley: Why did Kelly and Dylan never stick it through on “90210”? Questions unanswered. |
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Angi Taylor: Because on the back of his jersey it STILL says Soriano. |
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Phil Thompson: The king of the wild pitches? Well, if you can’t beat ’em, groin ’em. |
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Scott Bolohan: Theo’s stats show walks are an undervalued commodity. |
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Clark Jones: Closers come in to finish the game for a team win, so, he don’t know either. |
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John Dooley: Why lose 100 games when you can lose 112?! |
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Angi Taylor: Because Kerry Wood smartened up and retired. |
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Phil Thompson: What am I, their concierge? |
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Scott Bolohan: “Girls” marathon. |
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Clark Jones: Hopefully not bath salts. |
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John Dooley: Doing extra research on the Greek/EU fiscal rehab. What else would they be doing? |
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Phil Thompson: I can’t tell you because it would be crude. |
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Scott Bolohan: Demand a trade. |
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Clark Jones: “Borrow” some BP gas and ride back crosstown to the South Side. |
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John Dooley: Fill with BP gas, pour on eyes, light on fire. My eyes = No more Marmol. |
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Angi Taylor:Put my drank in my cup and get crunk! |
