Let me know in comments which of these semi-finalists are your favorites.
1. Has “That Should Be A Band Name” been a band name? Because that should be a band name….Dave Holmes
2. I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn’t believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens…..Ricky Gervais
3. “For God’s sex, stop making fun of my English.” …¿¿ G¿¿¿¿
4. Once you go black, that toe’s gotta come off….Megan Amram
5. Ask your doctor if being a doctor is right for him. Everything isn’t about you…..lanyard
6. People who say that they don’t have time for my bull— need to learn how to manage their time better. Wake up an hour earlier….Mark Leggett
7. Hostess is bringing back the chocolate covered Twinkie. Anyone looking to eat healthy should just stick to the regular Twinkie…..Conan O’Brien
8. The inventor of the grocery store felt so strongly about the chip/cracker distinction that he required them to be at least six aisles apart…..Matthew Baldwin
9. RELIGIONS, RANKED BY TRUTH
1. Yours
2. All others ….The Tweet Of God
10. Texted the raven, “nvrmor.”…..Tim Siedell
11. Jazz hands are about the fingers you DON’T wiggle…Megan Amram
12. CosmicMystery: Why dogs can smell aromas from far away, yet are compelled to sniff each other’s butt at a fraction of an inch….Neil deGrasse Tyson
13. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.*
*Foreigners need not apply……Stephen Colbert
14. “We just had a baby!” – cannibals, contesting their dinner bill…matt
