It’s become apparent to me what Bears coach Marc Trestman’s problem is.
He needs a bad cop.
Just like the movies. You know how it goes. A guy comes in after a loss, lays into the team. Yells at them, spits in their faces. “You son of a [bleep]! What happened on that play? Do you want to have a job in this league?”
Then Trestman can come in afterward and be the nice guy. “You know how he gets. Here’s what we need to get better.”
We need to hold auditions ASAP because the season may already be lost, but keep it simple. I’m your man.
I’ll even translate the Trestman speak into language Chicagoans can understand. Here’s my favorite.
“Yeah, Jay threw it high there and unfortunately, it’s continuity football and the defense couldn’t make a play and get off the field.”
“Continuity football.” What the quarterback whisperer is saying is Jay Cutler blows, is not getting any better, lacks any and all leadership skills necessary and needs to be threatened instead of coddled.
How about some “discontinuity football.” Face it. The leaders on this team are Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler. Two grown-up babies who need pacifiers. Two binkies, please. Sorry, Matt Forte. You’re too quiet. And Lance Briggs quit on the team when Lovie Smith was fired. He just shows up for practices and games.
You’re not imagining it. This is actually happening. That’s why I’m predicting Sunday on the road against the Patriots will be … a win.
Of course it will be. Cutler will tantalize you again. He’ll throw four TDs and no picks and we’ll all be happy—for a week.
Fun fact: The N.Y. Giants tried out 15 players Tuesday. Man, we need to do that. Only make it 30.
Here’s a sad disclaimer: I like Trestman. I really wanted this to work for him. But I’ll ask: your QB or your job? I’ll bet he picks his job.
We’ll end on a non-depressing note. Thank you, Jose Abreu. Sporting News Rookie of the Year. That’s awesome.
I wish he played football. And that there were 30 more of him.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.
