Dubbed the “female Viagra,” flibanserin is now FDA-approved and expected to be available beginning in October under the name Addyi. For those ladies on the fence about dropping A, here are a few reasons why you should take the plunge on the pink pill (daily, at bedtime, with a full glass of water).
Get laid and some quality ZZZs
Looking to please your partner and also log more hours of satisfying, memorable sleep? Flibanserin is more effective than a plate of oysters chased by a shot of NyQuil. Not only does the pill make you (probably … eh, maybe?) more sexually charged, it’s also reported to cause drowsiness and dizziness. Get ready to have your world rocked by dreamless nights and blackout napping. It’s the ultimate two-fer!
Set a record for cheapest date ever
Doctors caution flibanserin users to not drink alcohol while taking the pill, as it may cause an increase of those sluggish side effects mentioned above. They aren’t sure how much booze flips the sleep-switch, so best to just sip one glass of ever-warming rosé over a two-hour meal to be safe. That makes your date lucky on double counts: sex stuff and overall profit and loss analysis.
Up your online dating game
Are people swiping past you on Tinder faster than you can say “sudden and unexplained loss of libido”? Incorporate flibanserin into your profile, and you’ll have more eligible interested parties to choose from than the Republican party. “I’m looking for fun in the city! I like cats, long walks, I’m a Taurus, and I’ve been taking flibanserin for five months. Message me!”
For your profile pic, take a selfie showing the pill on your tongue. Prepare to snag the classy and considerate mate you’ll be proud to bring home to meet Mom and Dad in a hot second.
Behold, the most interesting person in the room
Everyone is going to have an opinion about the drug and what it “means.” Experts, advocate groups and us normals are divided, so … if nothing else … taking flibanserin means people will shut up and listen to you, because you have personal experience.
From the co-worker who worries that the very creation of the drug implies that women who experience low libido levels have a “problem” that isn’t actually a problem—to your bestie who supports the drug because it provides women with a solution that men have had for years—pull out your prescription bottle, and voila! You just won the party.
Stop being a total drag
Let’s face it, ladies. It doesn’t matter that you have a career, you have meaningful relationships and you are a contributing member of society. Unless you are able to regularly get turned on and follow through by being an enthusiastic sexual partner, you’re pretty lame. Flibanserin might make you lethargic and dog-tired, but that is a small price to pay in order to finally become a real woman who matters.
Rebecca Fons is an improviser in Chicago and a contributor to The Second City Network. She performs with Deep Sea Swimwear, and her sex life is none of your business, thankyouverymuch. For more, follow The Second City Network on Twitter.
