Have you ever had a bully in your life? A family member, a friend, a neighbor? Someone you work with? If we tried, I would imagine we all could think of such a person who has crossed our paths.
Years ago I worked with someone like that. He was a big man, with an intimidating presence, who cultivated a booming voice that could be heard over and above all manner of conversation.
He also had, from my 20-something perspective, what could be a frightening habit of getting into a person’s personal space. Today, we would call him a bully.
I tried to stay clear of this guy, as did most in the office. But one day, a co-worker had enough. As I recall, she wasn’t a big woman, but she was feisty. The man walked up to her, almost nose-to-nose, and began his bluster. By mid-sentence, she was in his face, a finger poking his chest; telling him to back off or he would find himself in a great deal of male-related pain, if you get my drift.
The whole office watched and held its collective breath, waiting for his next move.
He turned tail, went into his office and shut the door. She had labeled him the coward he truly was.
While he tried to keep up his bravado going forward, no one ever took him seriously again. He lost his power over the audience.
School is back in swing and with it the continuing concerns about bullying: bullies and those being bullied alike. I wondered — what do you teach your children about bullying?
Carly Schultz, Crown Point: I think the most powerful moment was when my husband and I realized how much of an impact what we said at home had on the boys. We weren’t rough with each other but, just like most, we would come home and talk about people from work in a way that wasn’t always kind. Or, we would say something to the effect that we would like to punch someone’s lights outs. It dawned on me that, in their little heads, they were taking those type of comment at face value. We were their models and it wasn’t good. We’ve made a concerted effort since to model the same kindness we want our children to show.
Amy Peterson, Merrillville: We intentionally teach our children the art of compassion. My older son was always an extrovert but watching him with his younger sister one day, I noticed what was once cute was turning into an aggression that was making me uneasy. Yelling at him didn’t work; it only made him more aggressive in his frustration. So, I began to look for opportunities to show him what it means to be compassionate. He always had a soft spot for animals and that enabled me to illustrate many lessons. We still have to work at it, but he has become much more empathetic toward others.
Joe Kandela, Hammond: Ever since the kids were little, we’ve tried to instill a sense of self-esteem and confidence in our kids. If they know their own self-worth, they’ll have no need to bully others and, conversely, bullying by others will have no effect on them.
Debbie Bosak is a freelance columnist for the Post-Tribune.
