There are so many major problems with “Rock the Kasbah.” Wow. In no particular order:
—As a glamorous prostitute named Merci operating out of a trailer in the middle of nowhere in Kabul, Afghanistan, Kate Hudson gives her character not a flicker of pain or unhappiness that, you know, might come from being a prostitute operating out of a trailer in the middle of Kabul, Afghanistan.
—The film is inspired by the true story of a young woman who dared to break barriers and go on “Afghan Star,” but it focuses almost all of its energy on veteran tour manager Richie Lanz (Bill Murray), who knows nothing about the country when he puzzlingly brings a client (Zooey Deschanel, before her character disappears from the movie) there to perform for a USO show.
—Every five minutes, director Barry Levinson (“Wag the Dog,” a lot of crap since “Wag the Dog”) and writer Mitch Glazer (“The Recruit”) swerve in a new direction, not even arriving at Richie’s support of the ambitious Pashtun girl until the movie’s 60 percent over.
—Even when facing men on horses with guns, Richie’s still an obnoxious goofball, and he learns no lessons. Jeez, in a late-night gathering in a village he howls Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water,” prompting a leader to ask Richie’s English-speaking cabdriver pal, “Is this traditional?” with the cabdriver responding, “Yes. Very.” Just awful.
The thing is, before it recalls a worse version of the mediocre “Million Dollar Arm,” “Rock the Kasbah” starts out OK as the story of a rock legend-adjacent has-been who retells the same questionable stories about Stevie Nicks headbutting him and how he was the reason Jimi Hendrix played “The Star-Spangled Banner” at Woodstock rather than working to create new, credible anecdotes. When Richie’s schmoozing, Murray can’t help but earn smiles as he’s charming someone onto his side, signing a new client just to get her $1,200 fee after he tells her, “You make me want to swallow poison.” And the scene when the host of “Afghan Star” scolds Richie for lecturing him provides an ounce of what “Rock the Kasbah” needs in pounds.
But like so many movies before (“The Blind Side,” to name just one) that focus on the white savior instead of the minority character who should be featured, “Rock the Kasbah” doesn’t care much about Salima (Leem Lubany), whose voice is good, but let’s not get carried away. This is a movie about an arrogant dope who’s seriously lost in translation but is sure he knows best even when out of his element and, sheesh, negotiating between warlords! Would love to see what director Eli Roth (director of “Hostel,” “Knock Knock”) could have done to put him in his place.
1 star (out of four)
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