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On Friday, as fast as you can raise your right hand, over half of the American population instantly became infected with a dangerous new syndrome. The characteristics of this previously unknown form of PTSD — President Trump Stress Disorder — include: head shaking continuously from side to side, facial muscles being locked in a permanent expression of disbelief, alternating bouts of hysterical laughing and muffled sobbing, and severe twitching upon hearing the word “tweet.” The only known cure is massive doses of patience, vigilance and fortitude, taken daily for four years. No refills allowed.
— John Knewitz, Burlington, Ill.
