Dear Dr. June:
I’m an old-fashioned type of girl. I don’t believe in having sex or living together before marriage, but I kind of believe in fairy tales even though you say it may not be a smart thing to do. I’m sad to say that you are right. Now I don’t know what to do.
I met a guy in my last year of college and we started seeing each other. When he asked me out, I told him that I really liked him but also about my beliefs and standards. He said it’s not a problem for him because he respects me for that. We have similar morals and have been dating for over a year. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Then the truth came out. He had been with someone else, and the only reason there was a confession because they thought she was pregnant. She is not, and he has begged my forgiveness, claiming it was a moment of weakness, not a relationship. She also asked me to forgive him and said he really loves me and it was a mistake. I’m so scared to trust him again. Plus, it’s weird for the other girl to take up for him, don’t you think? I told him we needed a break. What do I do now? — Hurt in Connecticut
Dear Hurt:
As I was reading this, my heart was breaking for you. This is a hard one. I say that up front in consideration that you may not like my response. So let me start by saying kudos to you for being grounded in your beliefs, especially at your age. While it may not seem like it right now, you are still an excellent example for taking a stance and following through.
I know you’re hurt, but don’t let this challenge in your life deter you from your beliefs. It’s only a test. Your boyfriend failed the test, but that does not mean you have to, even though you may be tempted.
Some answers. In regard to forgiving him, yes, you should. As for the girl, I don’t know if it’s weird for her to support him. There is obviously a lot more going on with her that is unknown. She may realize it was just sex for him and he loves you. Who knows? Either way, you have a decision to make about moving forward with him.
This is where you’re not going to like it. Until you are able to trust him again, the relationship cannot work. On the flip side, you also have to listen to your gut to determine if it was the circumstances or him just being untrustworthy. Either way, you still need to forgive him. This is paramount in order to move forward in your life with or without him. If you don’t, that negative baggage will drag you down, interrupting your life and relationships.
I know: You wanted something more definitive. Nonetheless, you are really the only who can answer that question. People make mistakes, while some are just predators who take advantage of others. Which type of person is your boyfriend? That is the question your gut, mind, heart has to answer.
Email Dr. June Hall at drjuneaptacious@gmail.com and subscribe to her YouTube “Cooking up Advice.” For more information about Dr. June visit www.drjunehall.com or follow her on Instagram @aptacious.
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