Dear Abby: Re the letter signed ”Brokenhearted in N.J.,” who called her wedding off, then expected her fiance (”Joe”) to reimburse her parents for the ”thousands of dollars” they had spent on wedding plans.
”Brokenhearted” wrote: ”When Joe proposed to me, he revealed that he had lived with a girl before I knew him. She became pregnant, he didn`t want to marry her, she didn`t want an abortion, so she had the baby. Joe convinced me and my parents that he had no obligation whatsoever to this woman or the child-that his attorney had settled it with her and her attorney. Two weeks before our wedding date, Joe told me that he had been suddenly served with papers for child support, had decided to support the child and was asking for visitation rights. Because our lives would be drastically changed, and because I think Joe lied to me about his obligation to the child, I called the wedding off.”
Abby, I am very disappointed that you encouraged this woman`s pompous, spoiled-brat actions. Joe has a parental obligation to the child he helped to bring into this world, whether intentional or not, and he should help support it and be an active father presence in this child`s life.
I work in a law office, and see people change their minds, deals fall apart and agreements unravel daily.
Actually, this woman has done her fiance a valuable favor by showing him what she is really made of. If she had really loved him, she would have accepted and loved his child as well. I hope you print this because others in this woman`s circumstances might be led to believe, by your response, that her feelings and actions were justifiable.
You have permission to use my name.
Nancy England, Palm Bay, Fla.
Dear Nancy England: When ”Brokenhearted” said yes to Joe`s proposal, she was assured that his financial obligations to his child were fulfilled and he would have no further contact with either mother or child.
I agree, this was not the manly course to take, but his financial and emotional obligations to this woman were not the issue. Joe had presented himself as a man free from all past entanglements; then after she agreed to marry him, she learned that she would not be getting the kind of marriage she expected. (Some women prefer a husband who comes with no ”baggage”-just as some men prefer a wife without an ex-husband and children.)
You say ”Brokenhearted” behaved like a pompous, spoiled brat to declare that since Joe changed the rules, she didn`t want to marry him. I disagree.
I think she is entitled to change her mind since he changed the rules. And let us not overlook the fact that she thinks Joe lied to her from the beginning. Solid marriages are not built on foundations of misrepresentation, anger and mistrust.
I stick with my original answer: ”Rejoice; you could have married this man. I think you and your parents got off cheap.”
For Abby`s booklet, ”How to Have a Lovely Wedding,” send a check or money order for $2.50 and a long, stamped (39 cents), self-addressed envelope to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054.
